Category Archives: General

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How Do You Memorialize Someone You’ve Lost?

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This is a very meaningful week for me. Today is the one year anniversary of my brother’s death and in two days it will be the one year anniversary of my best friend and mentor’s death.

What, exactly, does that mean? It means different things to each of us. Should it mean more? I don’t know. I just know that it’s hard for me to memorialize these two people’s passing once a year. I’ve given this a lot of thought, but not enough.

I know that if I want to keep them first and foremost in my mind, I have to do something that reminds me of them every day so that they aren’t relegated to the back of the closet like my old work clothes that i no longer wear since I’m retired. They need to be under the chair in my bathroom where my running shoes are as I see and wear them every day.

And these things, whatever they turn out to be, must be small. It’s only when you start with small things, that they become a habit and will stick. If one decides on some major undertaking to keep someone’s memory alive, they will fail unless it’s broken into a series of small steps. Even those who have created some organization or cause in honor of their loved ones, conceived of the idea but implemented that idea in small steps.

I know that I write in a gratitude journal every day so to add two specific gratitudes each day will not require much effort on my part – this is called “habit stacking” (James Clear in Atomic Habits) and increases the probability of success exponentially.

For now at least, I am going to add one gratitude for my brother and one for my mentor every day. This will keep memories of them and how they impacted me alive. It will be a gratitude for something we did, something they did or said and how it impacted me.

Can you imagine what a year of those gratitudes and memories will do to keep them forefront in my mind?

What do you or can you do every day (or once a week even) to keep someone’s memory right there in the place of honor in your mind, scattering all the clutter that has previously been in its way? Share what you do to keep them alive.

Oh and it’s the Ides of March too.

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What If There Were No Calendars

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Do you realize that you (and me, too, of course) are being ruled by either a piece of paper or an electronic item?

The Calendar!

How would you feel if we didn’t have calendars. You wouldn’t know how old you were so maybe you could actually feel like you wanted to feel. You’d still know you were aging but it’s wouldn’t be so quantitative and right there in your face. No one would ask “how old are you?” because you couldn’t know.

Maybe we’d then have Christmas music in the stores all year round – or just maybe once it got cold enough to know or maybe we wouldn’t even know when Christmas was. Then Christmas could be every day.

Think about how much we let that single item (the Calendar) rule our lives. We do “countdowns”, we determine when we’ll start going after goals (New Years), we determine what gift to give to whom, we determine when to discard someone’s being because they are too old.

I am still a slave to the calendar even after retiring. It’s as if I have to have some kind of anchor and every time I catch myself wondering what day it is, then I think about how much older I’m getting and you know “there’s no time to lose” and on an on. I just want to slap my face and say “wake up”!

Take a moment to fantasize – that is, if you can fit that moment into your calendar” – and think of how your life would be and how you would feel? Would you have more stress or less stress? What will make your life better? Since we can’t get rid of calendars, what modifications can you make to help things seem less stressful.

Just a thought.