Daily Gratitude: “We rise by lifting others”

Have you ever been feeling less than enthusiastic, just moseying along apathetically? Nothing excites you?

Then you see someone who has their hands full and they’re headed to a door. You rush up to open the door for them and they smile and thank you profusely. All you did was open a door. Yet you feel like you just won the lottery. Why? Because the act of giving and of helping others releases feel good chemicals in your brain (and body) and those chemicals totally change your mood.

Have you known someone whose life isn’t going really well right now and you’ve sat with them, just listening? They pour their heart out to you. When you leave did you ever think you’re an evil person because you feel better? You’re not evil. You feel better for the same reason we just talked about. You gave someone something. You gave yourself. You gave your time. And you don’t regret it. You know you helped them. You don’t have to give money or gifts to uplift someone. Just showing you care is enough. They will remember that moment and you forever. And your subconscious knows this. That’s why you can feel good in the face of other people’s troubles and not be a bad person.

One caveat that’s not in this quote. You cannot lift others up if you are so drained that there’s no strength left. You have to take care of yourself first before you take on others. Lift yourself up and then lift others. Put your own oxygen mask on before you put it on your kids.

Daily Gratitude: Read this again. Can you accept yourself just as you are? Even if you’re pretty squared away, there’s probably a few areas that you aren’t happy with.

But how many of us are that squared away? I’m not. Sure. I’m a lot better than I used to but but there’s still those critical parts in me that can’t put a lid on it and just have to comment…about something that’s “not right.”

Learning IFS (Internal Family Systems) helped me be able to accept myself because I could understand what was happening. Once I realized where all those “bad” things about me were coming from (really young parts that never grow up), and once I learned a few techniques, I began to change, to grow.

Once you accept yourself as you are, you can move the emotions out of the way and objectively view yourself and determine what really does need to change and what, perhaps is just something you couldn’t see well because your emotions were smearing the windshield so to speak. Once you get the windshield wipers clearing that gunk away, you can see (and evaluate) clearly.

Do you have any techniques for removing your emotions? I never did which is why IFS was such a life changer for me. I could love and accept the parts then because I was able to see what had caused them. Every single time my response has been “of course you acted that way. Who wouldn’t have when they were x years old.” Then we (me and the part) could work together not against each other.

Beyond the gift of material things

Daily Gratitude: There isn’t much more of an important concept than this.

We focus way too much on material things and although those types of gifts are appreciated, most people who are suffering in some way really appreciate it when you take the time to spend with them inquiring how they really are and letting them talk.

Of course it’s also important to ask them if they are “up” for company. Sometimes people in pain are way too exhausted to be able to give quality time no matter how good your intention. Asking them and abiding by their wishes will also convey you really do care about them and that will mean the world to most people.

Chronic pain, whether physical pain or emotional, creates the greatest feelings of loneliness. It’s worse when others stay away and treat them as if that person has leprosy.

There’s a fine line to walk here but if you’re considerate and caring, it won’t be that difficult and what’s more important is that they know they aren’t alone.