Daily Gratitude: “A life run entirely by the imagined verdicts of others is not your life.”

Why are we so driven by the need for approval? It’s thought to be because we are a tribal species and if the rest of the tribe didn’t approve of you or what you were doing, you were ostracized, kicked out of the tribe and left to fend for yourself. Way back when that was a recipe for disaster. Nowadays it may feel like a psychological disaster but you will survive physically.

Our primitive brains don’t realize this though. So, they continue to operate as they did in ancient times.

Once we recognize this and remove the emotional overlay from any “possibility” for rejection, we can analyze the situation and then figure out what the best thing to do is.

The key is taking the time (the “pause” I write about so much), allowing yourself to feel whatever is stirring up inside you, and then putting on your analytical cap and figuring out whether you really really really need that other person’s approval. Focus, too, on the word “need”. You may want their approval but that’s a totally different thing than “needing” it.

Once you’ve looked at it that way, you should be able to decide what you need to do or not do regardless of what others think.

Pause, Feel, Analyze.

Daily Gratitude: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Isn’t it wonderful how some people can sum up key points so succinctly?

This exemplifies the rut we put ourselves into. We’re so hung up on getting this or getting that and we never stop, look around, and say “wow I’m thankful for all that I have. It doesn’t really matter if I get this other thing I thought I wanted.” Have you ever heard anyone say that?

If we think about what this quote says it is think differently about what we’re after. It’s funny but I almost felt sadness thinking about how something that had been coveted once has now been dismissed and essentially abandoned when something newer comes into our minds.

And even sadder is that we skip from one to the other so quickly that one could almost wonder what it was that attracted us or was it just the need to have something new ?

Next time you have this burning desire or even any desire to get something, can you take a day or two to calm your brain and then ask if you really want that particular thing. In the one or two days, that desire may have dissipated and you can be satisfied with your “old stuff” (even if it’s just a few weeks old).

While you’re looking around to see what you already have, remember to practice gratitude too.

Evaporation phase

Daily Gratitude: “There are times in a life when you are in the evaporation phase: the period between one clear form and the next.”

This is an extremely powerful realization- especially for me at this time.

We look at things in a black or white manner. Things begin. Things end.

How often do we actually examine the “end” and realize (and remind ourselves) that it was simply a transition. Not an end?

Our minds don’t like change because it messes with its predictive capacity and makes the mind work harder to gather new data. Once it’s accumulated enough new data, it can then start making new predictions. But that takes time. It’s why change eventually turns into “the norm”.

It behooves us to talk to and reassure our brains about any change. Calming the nervous system, in my opinion, is our number one job and especially if we want to have a growth mindset. It’s hard to have that without embracing change.

Water takes many forms. It transitions into many forms. The humidity in Tennessee (or anywhere for that matter) is water but we can’t see it. Once its properties change enough though, we can see it because it becomes rain. Most of the time we don’t say “oh this rain is the mist I saw all across the fields yesterday; and then it was the oppressive humidity I felt last night.” We just don’t make the connection.

Look back over your life and see if you can find transition points. Then see the person you were and the circumstances you had both before and after. Ask yourself how all that change turned out.

Are you in a transition point now – are you in an evaporative phase?

Embrace it because there are forces at work for our good even when we resist them. You can mourn a loss, but you can also know that the upcoming transition/change will be good – especially if we let it.

If you’re in the evaporative phase, don’t despair. Your “water” will take a new form soon.