Category Archives: General

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Amazing How Your Attitude Can Change When You Ask a Question –

Get an Answer Before You Make a Judgment

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I’m sure you have all heard the story about the man on the subway who was really upset with another passenger – this other guy had 3 kids and they were running around all over the subway car, making noise and generally causing havoc. The father just sat there and did nothing to control his kids.

Finally, the irritated man went over and said something to the father, who acted startled, thought for a minute and then replied “Oh, I’m so sorry. We came from the hospital where their mother just died and I guess I was too distracted to pay attention.”

Needless to say, the irritated passenger’s thoughts and tone changed dramatically when he heard that.

The same thing happened to me today and taught me once again to ask questions before making judgements.

The clinic that’s closest to my hospital is where I go to get my meds and labs drawn because it’s convenient. Well, several months ago the lab switched to appointment only. This made me feel like the irritated passenger in the story above. I had to make an appointment to get my labs done this week and the appointment was for mid morning today – thereby interfering with my walking regimen..How dare they? ha ha.

It really isn’t a problem but as you can probably figure out since most of you know me – it was a CHANGE – one of those things I’m not fond of …another ha ha..I certainly could adjust my schedule around this. But….it was just the “principle” – and I think that probably the principle that was violated was that they didn’t ask me…not a very good principle to stand by.

So, as I sat there awaiting my “appointment” I was simmering and wanted to ask the tech why they switched to an appointment. But since I am always afraid of rejection, I debated the wisdom of doing that. Boy, am I glad I got brave.

I asked.

I left humbled.

There were two reasons. One didn’t impress me at all. The second impacted my thoughts significantly.

The first reason was that the other places were switching to appointments and so the people at those places who didn’t want to wait for an appointment were flooding into this clinic’s lab – making the wait time excessively long and stressful for the staff. Ok, so just because another place is doing it doesn’t impress me as a valid reason for them doing it. However, if i get my emotions out of the way, i would assume the higher ups evaluated it and felt it was a better business practice – even if they still didn’t ask me.

Then the tech told me she’d been having significant health problems since early January of this year starting with Covid and then developing into severe anxiety. She said she told the bosses that if she could come back, she couldn’t come with the lines being so long but that she could probably handle an appointment system. This is a one person shop and it has been compounded by a new military electronic health record system which has driven many a person mad in the 9-10 months it’s been in effect.

When she was telling me all that happened, I changed my thoughts completely …and immediately. I could understand it and was so happy there was something that enabled her to continue working and feeling useful.

All that simmering for nothing. Another lesson learned – actually a few lessons especially about the “parts” of me that think the world has to clear everything with me before doing something. Then there’s the “part” that thinks everything that doesn’t follow my “schedule” is an inconvenience and wrong. and so on. See how parts work? They run your life and your mind without even realizing it. Think about what’s bothering you and see if you can figure out why.

Be kind to others and be grateful if you can do something to help them feel worthwhile.

 

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Are You Listening to Your Body?

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If you are, what are you doing with the information?

The truth is, though, that most people do not listen to their body – until it’s too late.

Yesterday my gut and my head joined forces to tell me to take a complete day off. In retrospect, I have had something I “had to do” every day for over a year. There have been times I didn’t feel great, but didn’t really listen. Yesterday I did. I should have listened every time, but I’m still a work in progress.

In early 2016, I had the flu, recovered, went back to work and then in February I developed Shingles. Weird for a healthy, active person such as me.

The worse was yet to come. I developed the post-Shingles nerve condition called postherpetic neuralgia – one of the most painful conditions known. It feels as if you’re being stabbed with a bayonet every few seconds 24 hours a day.

Did that stop me? Heck no. I was “strong”. I could “handle it” – or so I thought. As the months went on, I became suicidal and more withdrawn. I couldn’t imagine existing like this for years.

Did I change my behavior or look any deeper than the external pain? Of course not. I had the ringer on my body’s telephone set to off – not even to vibrate. So, I didn’t even realize I was being sent a message.

[Oh wow, as I was writing this, I realized another factor in this nightmare two years that I hadn’t realized before].

In March 2017 I was admitted to the hospital and ended up hospitalized for 5 weeks total (3 different hospitalizations). I almost died. I won’t bore you with that long story but I ended up out of work for 3 months. Another realization I just had – of the 7 conditions I developed, 6 were caused by the hospital or some treatment I had – external causes (a parallel to my life).

The good things that resulted from this were:
1) I ended up getting rid of the post herpetic neuralgia (for a year and a half and then it came back but that led to further important discoveries).
2) I had definitely received this wake up call.

The day I went back to work was the day after the two people who had been creating more stress than I’d ever experienced left. How’s that for coincidence.

I was able to recognize that I had been under greater stress than I ever did as an ER doc. That’s pretty significant. My childhood was not one that taught me how to handle and manage stress in a healthy manner. These two people plus the horrible cancer trek of my best friend was creating the pressure cooker inside of me. Since I couldn’t recognize what was happening internally – I definitely knew what was happening externally and felt powerless to do anything about it. If you’ve ever been involved in the Civil Service system, you know what I mean. The pressure cooker finally burst. I didn’t have the ability/skills to deal with each stressor as it came along. So, they were all buried until there was no more “room in the inn” and the top blew.

My body had been talking to me for at least a year (and probably longer) before I would even listen to it. And, I only listened because I was really forced to – almost dying will do that to you. The weeks I was home recovering gave me the opportunity to evaluate what was going on in my life and more importantly, what I wanted to do about it.

Don’t let that happen to you. If it already has, make definite plans to mitigate it from happening again. Start with two great books – “When the Body Says NO” by Gabor Mate and “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. Don’t just take my word for it. Stress may be behind many of the conditions you’re dealing with now.

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How Do You Memorialize Someone You’ve Lost?

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This is a very meaningful week for me. Today is the one year anniversary of my brother’s death and in two days it will be the one year anniversary of my best friend and mentor’s death.

What, exactly, does that mean? It means different things to each of us. Should it mean more? I don’t know. I just know that it’s hard for me to memorialize these two people’s passing once a year. I’ve given this a lot of thought, but not enough.

I know that if I want to keep them first and foremost in my mind, I have to do something that reminds me of them every day so that they aren’t relegated to the back of the closet like my old work clothes that i no longer wear since I’m retired. They need to be under the chair in my bathroom where my running shoes are as I see and wear them every day.

And these things, whatever they turn out to be, must be small. It’s only when you start with small things, that they become a habit and will stick. If one decides on some major undertaking to keep someone’s memory alive, they will fail unless it’s broken into a series of small steps. Even those who have created some organization or cause in honor of their loved ones, conceived of the idea but implemented that idea in small steps.

I know that I write in a gratitude journal every day so to add two specific gratitudes each day will not require much effort on my part – this is called “habit stacking” (James Clear in Atomic Habits) and increases the probability of success exponentially.

For now at least, I am going to add one gratitude for my brother and one for my mentor every day. This will keep memories of them and how they impacted me alive. It will be a gratitude for something we did, something they did or said and how it impacted me.

Can you imagine what a year of those gratitudes and memories will do to keep them forefront in my mind?

What do you or can you do every day (or once a week even) to keep someone’s memory right there in the place of honor in your mind, scattering all the clutter that has previously been in its way? Share what you do to keep them alive.

Oh and it’s the Ides of March too.