Category Archives: General

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The Loneliness of Christmas

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This is the first Christmas as an adult that I have felt at ease. I think it’s because I focus my attention now on the great things that I have, the wonderful friendships I am blessed with, watching the joy of others.

But beware – there are many around you that despite outward appearances are extremely lonely. Not to be morbid but those are the people at the most risk and the ones we should pay attention to. You can’t tell by how they act or what they have or probably by any fact you know about them. Loneliness is NOT the same as being alone. It’s much more pervasive and dangerous. It’s a feeling, not only of missing out (that dreaded FOMO I mentioned yesterday), but of not belonging – possibly the worst feeling one can ever experience. And, if you don’t belong, what’s the purpose for being here?

If you’re one of those who feel this loneliness for whatever reason, try to just focus on a few things today. And know that you are not alone. Just because the neighbors or your other relatives seem to be having it all, a wonderful time and family etc.. doesn’t mean they, too, aren’t lonely. Appearances really are deceiving. So, you are not alone. That may not help much but it’s a start. Perhaps you know someone who you think is feeling as you do. Reach out to them and see if you can help them.

Stay off social media today and maybe all week. That will only make you feel more left out and lonely.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. It doesn’t mean you’re inferior or not worthy of happiness. It’s most likely a product of things that happened to you as a child. Just accept it and know that Christmas day is just another day – one that we hype up way more than we should. It’s supposed to have religious meaning but that is buried under all the external crap.

Since it’s supposed to symbolize a birth, what new thing do you (and can you) want to bring into your life. Start with something small and then proceed to bring it into your existence just as you would a child. It needs to be cuddled, loved and introduced to things slowly. Major changes at one time are more likely to lead to feelings of overwhelm and subsequent disappointment. Start small. Don’t look at it as a goal. You’re introducing something into your life that you want, not one you think you need. Maybe you’d like to travel but can’t right now. You can read about where you want to go and the adventures of others. YouTube, books, articles and blogs are all available for you to immerse yourself in. You don’t even have to leave your house. Want to draw? Start with a “doodle session”. Whenever you start to feel those empty feelings, pick up a pen or pencil and start doodling. That’s much more productive than stuffing food or drink in your mouth. After all, we’re simply trying to fill that void. Might as well be with something we want to do.

Reach out to someone for help. I learned that asking for help is not as hard as I thought. It’s hard, yes, but not impossible. People want to help and that makes them feel good too.

Move – movement helps regulate the chemicals that bathe your brain and you can improve your mood simply by moving.

Dance – a form of movement but better because it combines the power of music. And if you’re alone, no one will see. So, let go!

Think of people you know who don’t have things so good right now.

Think of your “gratitudes” – what are you grateful for.

Comment here and see how people will be supportive of your needs.

Most of all know that this day will end and tomorrow is Monday and although there is more holiday hype to come, you made it through Christmas. You can do the same next week!

I know what you’re going through. I’ve got all the t-shirts!

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Don’t Shoot the Messenger…or Yourself

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As I sit here waiting all friggin day until the city inspector gets to my appointment, I am thinking very hard about this.

I don’t like being captive because people can’t schedule things so that other people can live their lives too. “No, I can’t give you any closer time frame. It will be somewhere between 8 and 4”.

Bottom line “they” don’t care that other people have things to do.

So, I decided to examine my aggravation – nothing else to do, right?

First, can I be upset with the company that contacted me to set up the appointment. This is just a continuation (and hopefully the end) of my 2022 air conditioning fiasco so there is already kindling in the fire.

No, I can’t really be upset with them. They had to get a permit to put in the gas part of the system (as I understand it) and in order for the permit to be “cleared”, the installation has to be inspected by some city official. Essentially, they are just the messenger. It’s not their fault. After all, they are following the rules which had the other installers done the same, they would have discovered the two life-threatening code violations. One is so egregious I am still fuming. They didn’t hook up the furnace exhaust duct so that if I had turned on the heat, I would have most likely succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning. oh goodie.

So, scratch them off the list.

Can I be upset with the city for not having a more efficient scheduling system? Yes. Even if they can’t give specific appointments, I don’t see why they couldn’t at least do half day time frames instead of an entire day.

Add them to the list….but, can I be upset with the person who’s going to do the inspection? No, it’s not their rule.

Oh well….

Can I be upset that I have to stay home all day? I could, but it would be a false front. If I were still working, that would be a different story. but I’m not, so it’s no big deal for me to have to stay home today – especially since I’m still staying off my foot and can’t walk..and I’m working feverishly on my next release.

Is there something more beneficial with less energy expenditure that I can do? Sure, there are plenty of things including those I just listed.

Scorecard – If I wanted to write to the city government (how do you address that envelope – “dear city government”? – ha, I think not), I could do it. But it’s like worrying – either write the letter, mail it, and move on or just move on. What good does it do to be upset? That is always the question. The answer is usually pretty simple, too, if you take time to examine it…

Have a good day – I know I will!

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Simple Wisdom

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“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”

Boy, is this a subtle but completely true statement.

It’s now December and I can come out of my writing hole. November is National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO for short). I have participated every year since 2004 but haven’t been very successful in all those years. Last year and this year I used the month to write at least 1667 words a day every day and although I haven’t been writing novels, this type of “contest” and its resultant discipline has been great for me.

Once again this year I wrote over 70,000 words and essentially finished what’s called a Discovery Draft (some people call it a First Draft but it really is when you discover what you’re writing about. I started out with one intent and then went in a different direction so I’m not sure what will happen.

Yes, it’s a “sort-of-sequel” to “It’s Not About the Miles” but much shorter and more intense and revealing. It’s a very personal story of my journey to my own Red Sea where Jan helped me part the waters and walk through. That sounds pretty benign but it’s definitely NOT benign.

I’m also working on a “journal” or daily reading book of the Life Lessons from “It’s Not About the Miles”. So, fortunately I have a lot to keep me busy.

Unfortunately, though, it’s not enough to keep me totally out of the doldrums of not being able to do any impact activity because of my messed up heel. A month, now, of no walking is driving me nuts.

But back to the quote – “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want” – to prevent complete disaster, I started going to the gym daily on top of my three times a week and am doing cardio. God, is that boring….but useful. I’m forcing myself to do this so that I can increase my aerobic capacity and also maybe do better on those damn steps if i get into Vol State.

But, I’ve also gotten the experience of not being able to be that active and trying to figure out what I will do with myself when the time comes that I won’t be able to. I had to learn not to run again but to walk, and now I’m learning (slowly, though) what I can do when i can’t walk.

We all get experience when we DNF or when we don’t get into a race we want to be in. That experience gives us more drive to figure out what we did wrong or better said, what we need to do to make our chances of success more likely.

What “Experience” have you gained? Can you look at the times you didn’t get what you wanted as gaining experience?