This is the first Christmas as an adult that I have felt at ease. I think it’s because I focus my attention now on the great things that I have, the wonderful friendships I am blessed with, watching the joy of others.
But beware – there are many around you that despite outward appearances are extremely lonely. Not to be morbid but those are the people at the most risk and the ones we should pay attention to. You can’t tell by how they act or what they have or probably by any fact you know about them. Loneliness is NOT the same as being alone. It’s much more pervasive and dangerous. It’s a feeling, not only of missing out (that dreaded FOMO I mentioned yesterday), but of not belonging – possibly the worst feeling one can ever experience. And, if you don’t belong, what’s the purpose for being here?
If you’re one of those who feel this loneliness for whatever reason, try to just focus on a few things today. And know that you are not alone. Just because the neighbors or your other relatives seem to be having it all, a wonderful time and family etc.. doesn’t mean they, too, aren’t lonely. Appearances really are deceiving. So, you are not alone. That may not help much but it’s a start. Perhaps you know someone who you think is feeling as you do. Reach out to them and see if you can help them.
Stay off social media today and maybe all week. That will only make you feel more left out and lonely.
Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. It doesn’t mean you’re inferior or not worthy of happiness. It’s most likely a product of things that happened to you as a child. Just accept it and know that Christmas day is just another day – one that we hype up way more than we should. It’s supposed to have religious meaning but that is buried under all the external crap.
Since it’s supposed to symbolize a birth, what new thing do you (and can you) want to bring into your life. Start with something small and then proceed to bring it into your existence just as you would a child. It needs to be cuddled, loved and introduced to things slowly. Major changes at one time are more likely to lead to feelings of overwhelm and subsequent disappointment. Start small. Don’t look at it as a goal. You’re introducing something into your life that you want, not one you think you need. Maybe you’d like to travel but can’t right now. You can read about where you want to go and the adventures of others. YouTube, books, articles and blogs are all available for you to immerse yourself in. You don’t even have to leave your house. Want to draw? Start with a “doodle session”. Whenever you start to feel those empty feelings, pick up a pen or pencil and start doodling. That’s much more productive than stuffing food or drink in your mouth. After all, we’re simply trying to fill that void. Might as well be with something we want to do.
Reach out to someone for help. I learned that asking for help is not as hard as I thought. It’s hard, yes, but not impossible. People want to help and that makes them feel good too.
Move – movement helps regulate the chemicals that bathe your brain and you can improve your mood simply by moving.
Dance – a form of movement but better because it combines the power of music. And if you’re alone, no one will see. So, let go!
Think of people you know who don’t have things so good right now.
Think of your “gratitudes” – what are you grateful for.
Comment here and see how people will be supportive of your needs.
Most of all know that this day will end and tomorrow is Monday and although there is more holiday hype to come, you made it through Christmas. You can do the same next week!
I know what you’re going through. I’ve got all the t-shirts!