Category Archives: General

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What We Can Learn From Puppies…

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 Who doesn’t think puppies are cute?

Most people will agree and if they are allergic or have some other aversion, they might secretly think that at least they are adorable in pictures.

I’ve been watching 3 litters of Huskies in the past 2 weeks – what a blessing. I don’t think I’ve smiled that much in a long time.

People are like puppies once you remove their camouflage.

A puppy has only one goal. To get to mom and get her love and nourishment. You can tell that nothing else matters. If you sit with yourself and remove all external stimuli, I think you’ll realize that is also your PRIMARY goal. We just seem to have so much other garbage that gets in the way.

Puppies surprisingly are very dependent. Their eyes aren’t even open for about 2-3 weeks! They can’t poop or pee on their own. They need mama’s stimulation for that (I don’t think they care either – until, of course, it hurts too much..lol). Horses, on the other hand, can see and even walk almost immediately at birth.

Even at my own old age and with my previous puppy experience, I didn’t know those facts. It’s amazing they survive in the “wild”. Thank goodness for mothers.

It’s not that we humans need help pooping and peeing – most parents are probably laughing at this. Infants have absolutely no problem performing their bodily functions. But, we are dependent in so many other ways – often ways we don’t want to admit.

Often our eyes aren’t open either. The eyelids might be but is there a connection there between the outside world and the brain? The eyes don’t see, they just carry signals (another neural circuit – you’ve heard me talk a lot about neural circuits). The brain receives the signals and then interprets those signals. That’s where things get individual. What I see may not be what you see because you don’t have the same framework I do. You haven’t been to all the places I’ve been and vice versa. I wasn’t taught the same things you were.

Puppies squirm and crawl all over anything and anyone including their family members. It’s not that they want to hurt anyone else, they just are focused on one thing – getting to the milk and warmth that mama provides.

People squirm and crawl all over anything and anyone including their family members. Sometimes, though, they do hurt others, but really deep down, in the majority of the cases, they don’t do that intentionally. We may not realize that, again because of the experiences we have. In actuality, though, we are all after the same thing – love and nourishment – physical, emotional and mental nourishment.

Puppies and people just want to cuddle. Before you cringe and go “oh no, not me, I don’t like to be touched” realize that this is your camouflage. It’s all about love!

A word about camouflage – we don’t always choose our camouflage. Often the first layers are applied by our parents, siblings, peers, teachers, religious figures and media. Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of choice about that layer. By the time we get to where we can pick our wardrobe, that feels great. But, you don’t realize that you have those base layers and now you’re hiding them. They are still there though. When you get hot (things are not going so well), you may not understand that you have to shed some of those base layers just as we do in Texas – where it’s 40 degrees in the morning and 80 by 2 in the afternoon. But the layer issue is for another post.

Be a puppy!

(I bet you expected my photo to be of puppies..Sorry to disappoint but if I had puppy pictures, I wouldn’t have time to be posting)

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The Bouncing Balls in My Mind

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 I have been having way too many headaches lately and they aren’t relieved by my migraine medicine. Inherently i know they are due to the deep emotional issues that are hidden in my soul.

Do I know how to get to them? No. I would love to get to the bottom of the abyss so that I could eliminate these headaches. But, alas, I know they are there for a reason and I have to chip away at the wall gradually.

What’s interesting, though, is that living in my head is like playing Whac-A-Mole. My medical mind keeps throwing up an idea as to what’s behind these continual headaches – let’s see “maybe it’s all the trigger points I have”; “maybe it’s my diet”; “maybe it’s too much salt”; maybe this, maybe that. I have to sit there and knock each one away repeatedly telling myself to stop it, that these are just camouflage uniforms trying to distract me from the deepest issues.

It is discouraging, though, because no matter how hard I’m trying, I don’t seem to get anywhere and my headaches continue.

Now that I have recognized that this is what I do, i seem to do it in all areas of my life. “What is that person thinking of me? What is it they really want? What did I do wrong? etc.”

I know that it’s my parts (IFS/internal family systems) all competing for attention but it’s like a big arena where people are throwing balls back and forth to each other and against the walls. All these thoughts and ideas are continually bouncing around inside my skull. No wonder it hurts. It’s my job to realize this and calm each part recognizing that all parts are welcome and all are doing what they are supposed to do – protect me. I can’t be upset with the parts because they are necessary for my existence until I get to the heart of everything and each protective part can find a new and more useful role. It will take time and it’s important not to rush the process.

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Communication “Languages”

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Yes, i know that sounds redundant but bear with me.

I’m hoping you’ve heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (you can find it on YouTube if you haven’t read the book). In it he describes the various languages of love and advises that you need to figure out what your primary language is as well as that of the people you are close to (not just romantically). They are
– words of affirmation
– acts of service
– receiving gifts
– quality time
– physical touch

Reading this book explained so much that used to confuse me and was extremely helpful.

But, recently I’ve been confused in some of my “friendships” — wondering whether these people want to continue to be my friends (real friends, not “Facebook friends”.

Of course, there had been no arguments, no disagreements, no falling out etc.. Nothing. So what was making me uncomfortable?

I finally figured out that in this day and age, it’s essential that you know another person’s “communication language” – in other words, how do they prefer to interact with you.

When i was growing up and through most of my adult life, you interacted with a friend in one of three ways – in person, by phone or by letter. After about 1995 the “letter” part was subdivided into the infamous “snail mail” and “email”.

Fast forward 20-25 years and the entire realm of possibility has exploded.

I had realized that each person has a preference and that just because their preference wasn’t the same as mine didn’t mean they didn’t want to be friends. This was a big eye opener. Once again, it has to do with getting out of the “it’s all about me” mode that we so often catch ourselves in.

Here’s what I came up with and it explained to me what “happened” and “where did my friends go”…lol

First off here are the communication languages I came up with:

– Face to face (in person)
– phone
– Text
– Messenger
– Social media posts
– email
– letter (snail mail)
– facetime/zoom

I have to start off by saying I absolutely despise the phone but that’s a long childhood “social phobia” of sorts. I need to see a person, their facial expressions, where they are looking, do they look bored, yawning, looking at their phone etc.. This is all part of my hypervigilance but it makes initiating phone calls very difficult.

My first preference is email. I think a lot of this comes from my working nights for so many years. It’s also because I know you can not read something i write or delete it and i won’t see you doing it. It’s better than being rejected on a phone call or even text. I can read your email when i am able and respond when I’m able and will also be able to think about what I’m writing (I don’t think fast on my feet).

Text is in there as second but for short exchanges.

Since the pandemic, I have learned to be ok with zoom but that is not high on my list because it involves planning for two (or more, God forbid) people to figure out when they are both available, and then if they are tired, well, they’re obligated, blah blah blah. Just send me an email. I know there are advantages to “zooming” and I’m grateful that it became so popular during the pandemic.

Communicating via social media posts to me is not even really an option. it’s like inviting the whole world into the girl’s locker room to listen in on your conversations????

In person is great but everyone’s so busy these days that you just never find the time to get together and that’s unfortunate.

Letters are also very special too and I love people who take the time to write them. But if you have a question or need advice and “need it now” (in our world of instant gratification), then snail mail won’t cut the mustard anymore. It is excellent, though, for showing people you care because people don’t want to admit it but they love to get cards and letters.

Then there’s messenger…wow… to me, messenger is like Twitter but generally privately. Now, the group chat function of messenger is pretty good and I’ve used it a couple of times but it is now being used by every “group” or page you belong to and to me, that’s annoying (yeah, i know I’m a curmudgeon). I have a lot of difficulty sitting around waiting for you to answer me when we are interacting. I don’t mind waiting if i sent you a message late at night. i don’t expect you to read it then. but to “catch up” about what’s going on in your love life or work or over the past 40 years – no way. it’s write something, wait, wait, wait, then read a sentence, then ask another question or make a comment, then wait wait wait and on and on and on….

So, each has it’s place for me and now that I have figured this out, It’s my job to figure out what works for others and if they matter to me (and if they didn’t, why am I writing this?), learn what works for them and do my best to accommodate. But more importantly to NOT JUDGE if their “language” is not the same as mine.

Life is always intriguing!