Author Archives

    Terrie Wurzbacher

    Posted on

    Say “What Now?” Instead of “Why?”

    by

    Writing the book about my “body language” in the context of physical symptoms and the past has taught me so many things. I can’t wait until it’s published. But, I suppose it’s like having a baby. You can’t rush the process. Patience (not patients) is key.

    Sigh.

    Anyway, one thing I’ve learned is that continually looking back with the mantra of “why?” or “why me?” is not the way to improve things. It keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be – in the past.

    It’s helpful to examine what’s happened in order to find out what happened because certain behavior patterns are based in childhood and knowledge of this is important for healing. In addition, treatments are different depending on the origin of a these patterns.

    You have to decide to step forward and step out of your cocoon. Lamenting why me only fills the cocoon with more toxins. You have to shed the shells that have protected you all these years. At least, you have to shed them if you want to heal and change.

    It’s not easy to say “what now?” but sitting and paying attention to the deep feeling you get when you say that compared to the feeling when you say “why me?” will surprise you. That may be all you’re able to do for a long time. But just saying those words moves you into the realm of progress.

    Some day when you’re feeling brave, you can list in a hidden journal (if you’re not ready to share with others) the answers that come after you ask yourself “What now?”. It may be a bunch of really scary things but at least you’ve gotten them out on paper (or digitally). That is the second step (asking the question is the first).

    Once you have some items listed, you can take one at a time to “chunk” down into tiny little pieces that you think you can accomplish.

    I think one of the most important things you can do is find others who’ve been where you are. Be careful not to “hang out” with those who have been there for a long time. Sometimes it’s easier and safer to stay where you are and talking about it may appear to be trying to make progress. But what you want, is to find out how the ones who were there clawed their way out. If you have a problem with alcohol, you don’t go to a bar to figure that out. You might find people to help you better at an AA meeting.

    Once you’ve said “What now?” a powerful change has been made in your brain and you are on your way to creating new neural pathways that will lead you where you really want to be. The key there is that one answer to “what now?” is to figure out where you want to be. If you want to “be happy”, list what being happy means to you. It shouldn’t be material things. If you stick to them, you end up in the “If-then” conundrum. “When I lose 100 pounds, I’ll be happy and my family will love me.” I am very familiar with this as my primary goal as a child was to make my father love me and stop yelling. So it was always “If I get 100 in this class or that, daddy will love me.” You know what? It never worked. And since this was so programmed into my brain as a child, it persisted as I aged – even into my 70s. It’s only been in the last few years I’ve been able to untangle some of that octopus’s tentacles that have encased me all my life. And that beautiful creature still has its hold on me even after all this work.

    Again, it’s not easy at all. You just have to start with “What now?” whenever you want to say “Why?” or “Why me?”

    Know that you are not alone. That is one thing i want my book to help people understand. It’s much easier when you hold the hand of someone who’s been there. They may even give you a t-shirt when you’ve “done that”.

    Posted on

    It’s Not Often I’m Blown Away But….

    by

    This is a tiny tease but I have to express my gratitude to the world.

    As you know my latest book is at the proofreader/editor. I was at a loss, though, for someone to write a forward. Since the book is not lighthearted like “It’s Not About the Miles”, I knew I had to find someone who could relate.

    As usual, the universe took care of me. Just after the academy awards I read a post about the movie “the Whale”. After reading the post, I just had to watch the movie. It was phenomenal and spoke to me as did the post. I wrote a comment and confessed to two things that had never been public knowledge. For me to do that after 74 years, you can imagine I had to have felt a massive connection to that other person.

    So, the not-so-brave little me found a pile of courage along the road and reached out to her and asked her to write the forward to my book if she felt it was good enough.

    I just received her forward. I cannot tell you what it did to me. To say I was blown away is the biggest understatement of my life. I am excited to have her compelling missive at the beginning of my book. The book is important and her writing leads you right into it. In fact, you’ll probably be disappointed in the book given how beautiful this masterpiece is.

    Thank you, Dana! You have made my decade! I can’t wait for everyone to read it (and then the book).

    Posted on

    “Enough”

    by

     It’s funny how things come to me but I don’t take action until the universe throws something else in my face.
    I’ve been thinking about this word, “enough”, for a few days now. But it wasn’t until I read Amy’s post about her struggling to find joy (or a reason to go on) after a grueling 192 or so miles that I thought today would be the prefect day to write it.
    It’s such an individual word. We throw it around haphazardly like we do so many words (where the heck did “woke” come from and what does it mean – I guess i am too old).
    But because it is so individually oriented, I think we lose sight of that and we go back to our default – the Comparison Game! That is always deadly and rarely has any long term positive effects. I mean, even the world class marathoner didn’t win the Boston Marathon yesterday (interesting question – did he lose it then? how do you lose something you finish? Alas, as usual, i am going down another rabbit hole. Sorry).
    Why do we have such a hard time saying “enough”? Maybe we don’t define it for ourselves. We ignore it until we don’t “feel like” doing any more. But is that really “enough”? Next week will we still consider our decision correct because we acted on our feelings?
    Can we define what “enough” means or will mean ahead of time? I think maybe that is part of why I’m being led to write this. I will have to define what “enough” is for me regarding my foot and my knee both BEFORE I would leave for Tennessee in July and also BEFORE I toe the start line. What will be “enough” pain? What will be “enough” internal struggle? We have to draw on our experiences to figure that out and what’s enough for me is not necessarily what’s enough for you. Most of all we have to steel ourselves against comparing my enough to your enough because that will only end in disappointment, discouragement, or worse yet, perhaps damage.
    I am still second guessing my dropping in the Bloody 11W race last labor day. Why did I drop? Yes, my heart rate was way too high but what if i had taken a long rest somewhere? I had done 25 miles before sundown so I was actually on a good pace, but the fear (a feeling) overtook my rational mind as so often happens. I knew I had only had one iron infusion so I should have considered that I might have problems. I should have planned better but most of all I should have determined ahead of time what would be “enough”.
    Take a look at your past and the times you, perhaps, didn’t do all you really wanted to. Did “enough” play into it? How can you use this word to your advantage in the future?
    I guess this is “enough” for today!