Author Archives

    Terrie Wurzbacher

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    Don’t Shoot the Messenger…or Yourself

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    As I sit here waiting all friggin day until the city inspector gets to my appointment, I am thinking very hard about this.

    I don’t like being captive because people can’t schedule things so that other people can live their lives too. “No, I can’t give you any closer time frame. It will be somewhere between 8 and 4”.

    Bottom line “they” don’t care that other people have things to do.

    So, I decided to examine my aggravation – nothing else to do, right?

    First, can I be upset with the company that contacted me to set up the appointment. This is just a continuation (and hopefully the end) of my 2022 air conditioning fiasco so there is already kindling in the fire.

    No, I can’t really be upset with them. They had to get a permit to put in the gas part of the system (as I understand it) and in order for the permit to be “cleared”, the installation has to be inspected by some city official. Essentially, they are just the messenger. It’s not their fault. After all, they are following the rules which had the other installers done the same, they would have discovered the two life-threatening code violations. One is so egregious I am still fuming. They didn’t hook up the furnace exhaust duct so that if I had turned on the heat, I would have most likely succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning. oh goodie.

    So, scratch them off the list.

    Can I be upset with the city for not having a more efficient scheduling system? Yes. Even if they can’t give specific appointments, I don’t see why they couldn’t at least do half day time frames instead of an entire day.

    Add them to the list….but, can I be upset with the person who’s going to do the inspection? No, it’s not their rule.

    Oh well….

    Can I be upset that I have to stay home all day? I could, but it would be a false front. If I were still working, that would be a different story. but I’m not, so it’s no big deal for me to have to stay home today – especially since I’m still staying off my foot and can’t walk..and I’m working feverishly on my next release.

    Is there something more beneficial with less energy expenditure that I can do? Sure, there are plenty of things including those I just listed.

    Scorecard – If I wanted to write to the city government (how do you address that envelope – “dear city government”? – ha, I think not), I could do it. But it’s like worrying – either write the letter, mail it, and move on or just move on. What good does it do to be upset? That is always the question. The answer is usually pretty simple, too, if you take time to examine it…

    Have a good day – I know I will!

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    Worry…

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    Maybe I’m just a slow learner but things are coming to me in old age that I have been trying to learn and understand for decades…lol

    My mother always told me not to worry. My father, however, was an expert worry-wart. I inherited his “worry DNA”.

    But, for some reason, much has become clear to me in the past month or so. Maybe it’s having to be off my foot and what that has symbolized.

    I think I am learning NOT to worry. I am amazed so I don’t want to make any official press releases to that effect yet. Ha!

    It really doesn’t do any good to worry. But, I think it’s a control thing. We feel that if we worry about something, we are exerting some sort of control over our fate and the “thing’s” outcome. Many of us, including myself, have hung on to that belief for so long. When control is taken away from us, we think it’s the most horrible fate in the world. But it’s actually freeing. Let me give you an example.

    Anyone who has followed me for 4 years knows how much I have hated (which really means been extremely frightened of) the dentist. My dental state can testify to that. Of course, it shouldn’t be a surprise because until I got so sick in 2017, i didn’t think enough of myself and my body to take care of anything. The “invulnerability” syndrome of a person’s 20s persisted in me until 2016.

    Anyway, I have had to have a lot of dental work as a result. Since before Vol State this year, I have had a problematic tooth that has consistently, but intermittently reminded me of its presence. So, last week i decided it might be time for something else to be done (it already had a filling, so “something else” equals a root canal.

    I made the appointment for today. I wasn’t afraid to do that. First surprise.

    I have not worried about it at all – no catastrophizing, no “what if”, no “it’s going to hurt so much”, nothing.

    I showed up today and this guy whom I just adore anyway (Advanced Smile Care is the best) told me since the max pain was 1-2 i didn’t need the root canal right now. I could wait until it got worse.

    When I left, i realized how much time out of my life would have been wasted had i spent that time worrying about this whole thing. What a freeing and relaxing feeling.

    When you realize you don’t have the “power” you think you have (meaning you think you can control the outcome of pretty much anything, vice controlling the process or effort you put into it), you feel so much better and have time to just enjoy being alive.

    Remember to use the mantra I do – “Everything always works out for me!”

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    Simple Wisdom

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    “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”

    Boy, is this a subtle but completely true statement.

    It’s now December and I can come out of my writing hole. November is National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO for short). I have participated every year since 2004 but haven’t been very successful in all those years. Last year and this year I used the month to write at least 1667 words a day every day and although I haven’t been writing novels, this type of “contest” and its resultant discipline has been great for me.

    Once again this year I wrote over 70,000 words and essentially finished what’s called a Discovery Draft (some people call it a First Draft but it really is when you discover what you’re writing about. I started out with one intent and then went in a different direction so I’m not sure what will happen.

    Yes, it’s a “sort-of-sequel” to “It’s Not About the Miles” but much shorter and more intense and revealing. It’s a very personal story of my journey to my own Red Sea where Jan helped me part the waters and walk through. That sounds pretty benign but it’s definitely NOT benign.

    I’m also working on a “journal” or daily reading book of the Life Lessons from “It’s Not About the Miles”. So, fortunately I have a lot to keep me busy.

    Unfortunately, though, it’s not enough to keep me totally out of the doldrums of not being able to do any impact activity because of my messed up heel. A month, now, of no walking is driving me nuts.

    But back to the quote – “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want” – to prevent complete disaster, I started going to the gym daily on top of my three times a week and am doing cardio. God, is that boring….but useful. I’m forcing myself to do this so that I can increase my aerobic capacity and also maybe do better on those damn steps if i get into Vol State.

    But, I’ve also gotten the experience of not being able to be that active and trying to figure out what I will do with myself when the time comes that I won’t be able to. I had to learn not to run again but to walk, and now I’m learning (slowly, though) what I can do when i can’t walk.

    We all get experience when we DNF or when we don’t get into a race we want to be in. That experience gives us more drive to figure out what we did wrong or better said, what we need to do to make our chances of success more likely.

    What “Experience” have you gained? Can you look at the times you didn’t get what you wanted as gaining experience?