Daily Gratitude: Too many of us spend too much time on this. It handcuffs and hamstrings us in so many ways. If we keep our eye on the road ahead of us and stop worrying about the traffic around us, the way before will be spread for our taking. We can see better if we look ahead without worrying about others. If, though, we spend time wondering what others think, our attention is removed from that which we want and should be paying attention to. In a sense we need to don artificial blinders so we simply look forward. As with all else, awareness is the key here. We have to be aware that we’re feeling concerned with what others see or think. Once we’re aware we can use our simple “so what?” Question to snap us out of that other world back into what we’re doing.

Daily Gratitude: This is something I wish i knew, or rather, understood when I was younger. I only had two waves – hurt and anger. And of course, the anger was simply my defense against having to feel the hurt. My parts reacted to everything as a criticism and thus were hurt by everything. I was raised never to let anyone see what was going on inside of me. I was also raised under the cloak of constant anger. That was just how you were supposed to be. It’s taken me a long time to understand that most of our instantaneous reactions are physiological and not something I can (or should want to) control. What I should want to control, however, is my RESPONSE to those reactions. That is something i can (and should) control. I like to look at is as chemicals create the reactions and thoughts create the responses. I may not be able to do anything about the chemicals but i sure can do something about the thoughts. It takes practice – a lot of practice to undo (I like to call it editing) the automatic thoughts I learned to have. But it is possible. If you monitor your thoughts and then evaluate them, it will help. Ask yourself “is this a positive or negative thought?” “Where did it come from?” “Is it something I’ve just ‘practiced’ so much it’s automatic (meaning has it just become a conditioned response?)?” Once you’ve answered these questions and I recommend you start with something simple, ask yourself how you can change those thoughts to serve you better. Then practice thinking them – as stupid as it sounds. Do you think that I automatically believed “everything always works out for me” when I first started to say it? Heck no. But because I so respected the woman who taught me this and so much more, I kept saying it. Do I believe it now? You bet! But it was just through practice that I came to believe it. You can do the same by practicing the things you want to turn around. As I said, though, start with simple things and then work your way up. Record your progress too so you can see what has worked for you.

Daily Gratitude: I’m always amazed at how simple most of the “instructions” for a good life are. Here is another one. It seems pretty obvious that we should always have our attention on loving and loving others. But we don’t behave like that all of the time, do we? And some of us don’t behave like that most of the time. It’s also interesting if you look at how you behave based on “control the controllables”. You can’t control who loves you but you certainly can control who and how much love you give. Saying these things and doing them aren’t always the same and aren’t always easy. However, if we can remember a basic question such as that, it might help to recenter us. You know that little icon on google maps (and probably on Apple Maps too) that says “recenter” to bring you back to where you are right now? We need a similar button in our personal lives too. Something we can hold on to that will get us to recenter ourselves. Do you have a saying or mantra that helps you get back to center ?