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Message #304

Veteran’s Day and impact vs intent

I imagine you noticed that I didn’t mention veteran’s day yesterday. That was intentional.

Why?

Because I’m not sure how I feel about my service right now. There’s so much going on in the country right now and much of that involves the military. I don’t want this call to be political but I feel I have some ability to address things that affect the military.

In case you didn’t know it, the National Guard is an integral part of the military. And they have been deployed into cities to exert force against American citizens. And you all know that the administration has said the military – I guess the mean other parts of the military
into the same cities. To keep Americans from protesting amongst other things.

And I guess my biggest problem was the speech to the 800 or so general officers, essentially telling then what they had to think and do.

What do you think “thank you for your service “ really means in light of that possibility

I served for nearly 30 years and took my job and my oath very seriously. I sure didn’t stay all that time for the money. I loved my country and wanted to take care of the others who were protecting me and all Americans. Not attacking them.
I don’t consider this a time for celebration.

Enough on this.

I wanted to mention a phrase I heard the other day that I think all of us can benefit from.

It’s that there is a difference between impact and intent.

How often do you hear someone say “I didn’t mean it” after they did something hurtful or said something hurtful. That’s the intent. But the impact has already occurred. And no matter what the intent was it won’t change that impact.

This is a primary reason for you to take a pause before you react or respond to something someone has said or done.

When you take that pause think about what you want the impact to be. Then you can tailor your response to ensure that you act or talk so that impact you want has a better chance of occurring.

It’s ok to be angry but the key point is not to express that anger in a harmful way.

Can you start practicing that pause ?

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Message 300 and my anniversary

Here’s to a fantastic week! I know mine will be phenomenal and I affirm the same for each of you.

Saturday was the 300th message but I didn’t do anything special since it was the weekly roundup

I am grateful that you all have hung in there with me for 15 hours! That’s like taking a one hour class once a week for almost 4 months. Maybe it’s time for a final exam. Just kidding.

I have learned a lot and I hope you have too. Your comments certainly have enriched my life and increased my knowledge base. I am in awe of all the brilliant minds out there.

Now let’s see if I can make it to a year in the middle of January. You get to experience another race with me too. Aren’t you lucky. It’s a 6 day race but it’s one of those where I walk around in a mile circle for six days. Even though it sounds crazy, it’s great for practicing mental discipline. More about that as we get closer.

The significant thing about today, though, is that it’s the 15th anniversary of my weight loss surgery. If I hadn’t had that I wouldn’t be here to do this message today. I am 4 11 and I weighed 300 pounds at the time of my surgery. Needless to say my heart was having problems handling that load.

I was extremely fortunate to have a pioneer do my surgery. And as with all pioneers in medicine, he was ridiculed and not accepted by mainstream medicine in the US. And this procedure still isn’t.

But he was welcomed with open arms in countries all around the world and spent his last several years traveling and teaching his technique.

What’s special about it? Well there are different types of weight loss surgery and many are fraught with complications. This procedure has less. It’s done laparoscopically whereas the others are generally done by opening the abdomen. My procedure was less than 45 minutes. I was capable of going back to work the next day. It’s also easily revisable and reversible.

It angers and frustrates me when the medical establishment refuses to embrace new concepts like this and the neuroplastic theory of chronic pain. I’m reading a book titled “Cured” by Jeffrey Rediger and it’s by a doctor who investigated so called miracles meaning spontaneous remissions. And he talks about why this hadn’t been checked out before and when some doctors did have theories they were blackballed.

It’s important when you have something that means a great deal to you that you continue to pursue it and push as hard as you can. Don’t let others knock you off your horse. If they do, get back up and ride away Into the sunset. Even George Strait has a song about that – the cowboy rides away.

Have a diamond week and build on your diamond collection.

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Letting go – an expansion of the marshmallow test.

You remember the marshmallow test, right? They put kids in a room with a plate holding 1 marshmallow. They told them they could eat it now but that if they could wait a short period of time and not eat that marshmallow, they would be given a second one.

The results showed The ability to wait was linked to greater self-reliance, confidence, and better coping mechanisms under stress as they grew older. 

And yes I know there is a lot of criticism about the test and its conclusions – what else is new ?

This was a test to measure the child’s ability to delay gratification. How many of us would pass that test today?

I wish they would do a similar test where the researcher would come right back in and take the marshmallow away. And see how that went.

But you could do your own study. Make it simple. Maybe even use a marshmallow

This should be a good place to start since marshmallows are probably NOT part of your binge food list – or maybe they are. Anyway, I don’t think missing them will be playing nasty on your craving centers. You always want to start something new with the greatest chance of success.

So buy a small bag of marshmallows but get the real ones not the baby size they sell. Some of this is a visual thing.

Add one or even 2 of them to your plate at a meal when you’re most likely to be the hungriest. That’s different for each of you.

Before you eat the meal sit there and contemplate eating that marshmallow. That’s why I want you to be the hungriest- so that contemplation will mean more. Do that for at least a minute and preferably two.

Then take the marshmallow off your plate but put it within sight. You may now eat your meal.

Note (preferably on paper or the computer ) what you felt if anything during that meal. Was it hard to a) remove the marshmallow and/or b) to leave it uneaten and in sight? What were your feelings. Go beyond “this is a stupid experiment. Why did I listen to Terrie”.

Next find a food you enjoy. Add it to your plate and contemplate eating it. Then remove it leaving it in plain sight

Log your feelings on this experience

You can also do this with snacks. If you normally eat ice cream in the evening, fill your bowl with the same amount as usual.

Then take a scoop out and put it back in the container. How did that go? Did you feel a loss? Deprived? Treated unfairly even though it was you doing it? Don’t worry you can keep your reactions to yourself.

You can take this even further if you live with someone. Fill up your ice cream bowl normally (be careful not to cheat knowing what’s coming). Then ask someone else to take “some” away and you can define that.

How do you feel now?

These are all lessons in letting go. As you think and experiment you might come up with other experiments. The idea is to practice letting go. As with anything else practice gives you the tools to help you through the same type of situation in the future.