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The Power of A Review

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Is this a shameless post asking you to post reviews of my books on Amazon?

Of course, that would really make my day but hopefully you’ll see why it would be a good thing to do when we look at reviews as a whole.

There are tons of TVs at the gym – and fortunately the sound is not on because the very loud music is..sigh. Thank God for audiobooks.

Lately at least one station a day is talking about what happened in 2022. So, if the news highlights the review process, it must mean one of two things, right? Either they think it’s important or they are just trying to fill up slots….or both.

Why do we review things? You’ve heard that history repeats itself. If it does, wouldn’t it be great to study what went on so that you will be prepared next time.

When you write a race report, it’s a review. When your boss evaluates your performance, it’s a review. When you look at your financial expenditures, it’s a review. When you get ready to send out Christmas cards, it’s a review. Etc..

What are you looking for when you review something. You’re looking to see what went right, what went wrong and what trends are identifiable.

When you share reviews, you’re helping other people know how to handle things. Or, in the case of a book review, you’re helping them decide if they should spend their money on that particular book.

Why look back a the previous year only? How good is your memory? If it’s like mine, good luck with that.

Why not do daily and weekly reviews – maybe you think that’s too much, then try monthly or quarterly. Use your calendars to see what’s happened.

This is a much better way to improve your life. You may not be happy with something that’s going on in your life but don’t know what to do about it. You have to recognize patterns and actions as well as thoughts and feelings. You can do that by reviewing each situation that has happened that you’re not happy with. If you review enough of them, you’ll see the trends and be able to identify what to change. Then you can either simply alter your behavior or perhaps get help with some change. But at least you know what it is you want to change.

Try the stop, start and continue process (daily or weekly is best for this):
Write down the things that if you stop them, it’ll lead you closer to what you want. For example, I will get a lot closer to editing my next book if I stop playing games on my phone all day.

Write down the things that if you start they will improve your situation. Example, when I had to stop walking and doing impact activities in November, I decided it would be a good time to start doing cardio at the gym every day. That included the stair climber which I had “intended” to start “sometime” to help me with the steps at Vol State. What better “sometime” than when I couldn’t do any other exercise.

Write down things that are working well and you want to continue. For example, my morning routine is perfect. It enabled me to read over 44 books in 2022.

Reviews are for you to see where you’ve been and where you might be able to go. If you choose to share your lessons, that’s great and will help others but it’s not essential.

And if you write a review of one or both of my books, it will help people realize they are books that are not just about running. And I’d be forever grateful.

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Resolution or Goal?

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I have never been fond of making resolutions but didn’t really know why. The more I’ve studied mental discipline, though, I began to understand my discomfort better.

I recommend against making resolutions and transforming the things you’re not satisfied with into goals instead.

Here’s the definitions:

Resolution: “a promise to yourself to do or to not do something”

Goal: “the result or achievement toward which effort is directed”

What happens if you don’t keep a resolution? It’s as if you’re “breaking a promise”. What does that do to you emotionally? Nothing good. Since we often use resolutions to try to correct things we don’t like about ourelve (losing weight, making weak muscles strong, spending less money, etc.), this promise breaking can simply add to the bad feelings we have about ourselves. Our self-confidence takes another hit. How successful has that been in the past? Most of us have had enough degradation of our self-confidence in these areas that failing this time is simply hammering another nail in the coffin.

Goals, on the other hand, can always be revised. Let’s say you “resolve” to lose 30 pounds. That is way too open ended and the first time you have an office party or a dinner out or something that happens in all of our lives, you’ll begin to feel that the resolution can’t ever be kept. So, the next time you’re tempted, you think about your resolution to lose 30 pounds and think of it as overwhelming and you rapidly abandon it. You’ve now broken a promise to yourself. That is why the gyms are filled to the brim for the first 2-3 weeks of the year and then drop back to where they were before. That kind of resolution is too broad and doesn’t give your brain much to deal with as far as visualizing.

If you set a goal (properly) to lose 30 pounds it will be more specific. You’ve all heard about SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely) and you can Google that. To me, the most important part is the specific aspect. When do you think you can lose 30 pounds by? What do you base that on? Have you done that before? Is that going to be sustainable? Why would you want to take off 30 pounds and then put it back on which is what happens if this loss is done without consideration of your lifestyle.

But another aspect of goal achievement is constant review or at least periodic review. Let’s say you thought you could lose 30 pounds in a month because of all the TV ads that imply that’s easy. After 3-4 weeks, you realize that is unrealistic and although you’ve done well at revising your lifestyle and food intake, you’re not going to make it to the 30 pounds. But since what you’re doing IS working and has been easy to live with, you look at what you’ve done and then figure out when you can expect to have taken off the full 30 pounds. Or maybe you realize you don’t need to lose 30 but 20 would make you healthier and happier.

Review and revision is key. It allows you to eventually achieve your desired end point. Goals allow for that. Resolutions are, to me, a dead end.

I feel resolutions are too negative whereas goals instill the “I can do it” feeling. Achieving what you want depends so much on your feelings (your passion, not a “I don’t feel like it” feeling). Wouldn’t a positive framework do more to keep the flame of desire fanned?

Just my ramblings and thoughts.

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The Loneliness of Christmas

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This is the first Christmas as an adult that I have felt at ease. I think it’s because I focus my attention now on the great things that I have, the wonderful friendships I am blessed with, watching the joy of others.

But beware – there are many around you that despite outward appearances are extremely lonely. Not to be morbid but those are the people at the most risk and the ones we should pay attention to. You can’t tell by how they act or what they have or probably by any fact you know about them. Loneliness is NOT the same as being alone. It’s much more pervasive and dangerous. It’s a feeling, not only of missing out (that dreaded FOMO I mentioned yesterday), but of not belonging – possibly the worst feeling one can ever experience. And, if you don’t belong, what’s the purpose for being here?

If you’re one of those who feel this loneliness for whatever reason, try to just focus on a few things today. And know that you are not alone. Just because the neighbors or your other relatives seem to be having it all, a wonderful time and family etc.. doesn’t mean they, too, aren’t lonely. Appearances really are deceiving. So, you are not alone. That may not help much but it’s a start. Perhaps you know someone who you think is feeling as you do. Reach out to them and see if you can help them.

Stay off social media today and maybe all week. That will only make you feel more left out and lonely.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. It doesn’t mean you’re inferior or not worthy of happiness. It’s most likely a product of things that happened to you as a child. Just accept it and know that Christmas day is just another day – one that we hype up way more than we should. It’s supposed to have religious meaning but that is buried under all the external crap.

Since it’s supposed to symbolize a birth, what new thing do you (and can you) want to bring into your life. Start with something small and then proceed to bring it into your existence just as you would a child. It needs to be cuddled, loved and introduced to things slowly. Major changes at one time are more likely to lead to feelings of overwhelm and subsequent disappointment. Start small. Don’t look at it as a goal. You’re introducing something into your life that you want, not one you think you need. Maybe you’d like to travel but can’t right now. You can read about where you want to go and the adventures of others. YouTube, books, articles and blogs are all available for you to immerse yourself in. You don’t even have to leave your house. Want to draw? Start with a “doodle session”. Whenever you start to feel those empty feelings, pick up a pen or pencil and start doodling. That’s much more productive than stuffing food or drink in your mouth. After all, we’re simply trying to fill that void. Might as well be with something we want to do.

Reach out to someone for help. I learned that asking for help is not as hard as I thought. It’s hard, yes, but not impossible. People want to help and that makes them feel good too.

Move – movement helps regulate the chemicals that bathe your brain and you can improve your mood simply by moving.

Dance – a form of movement but better because it combines the power of music. And if you’re alone, no one will see. So, let go!

Think of people you know who don’t have things so good right now.

Think of your “gratitudes” – what are you grateful for.

Comment here and see how people will be supportive of your needs.

Most of all know that this day will end and tomorrow is Monday and although there is more holiday hype to come, you made it through Christmas. You can do the same next week!

I know what you’re going through. I’ve got all the t-shirts!