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Body Parts….

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 I am not sure we pay enough attention to our bodies. I hear so much about mindfulness and I think it’s important but vague…perhaps that’s my analytical mind.

So, I thought it would be fun if periodically I picked a “body part” for us to concentrate on for, let’s say, a week. What you do to “concentrate” on it is up to you. Since I’m an avid gratitude journalist, it will be easy for me to write about whichever is the “part of the week” in my gratitude app. However, as I said, you can do anything. For example, if it’s “leg week” you could name your legs and thank each or both when you get up to get something to eat, or run or walk or anything. Make it fun.

Why do this? Other than you can make it fun, it will make you very grateful for the miraculous machine we have been given. As an aside, I heard a great statement the other day that I might write more about. “We are a spiritual being in a physical body but with an animal mind in a social context.” And we wonder why things are so complicated?

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming (for those of you old enough to remember that)….

This week’s special body part is your ears!

What do ears do for you?

Are they something you pay attention to in others?

Do you bite them?

Did you neglect them and now they don’t work as well?

If so, how can you show them your gratitude rather than your frustration or disappointment that they don’t do everything you’d like now?

What funny image can you make in your mind – rabbit ears on a rabbit – or on a TV (another old thing)? Were you ever smacked in the ear?

What memories do they bring back?

What do you think your life would be like without ears and their components?

When you’re sitting in traffic or waiting in line or waiting to pick up the kids, do something “with” your ears! Have fun and be grateful.

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“It Is What It Is”

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“It Is What It Is”

Not really.

How often do you hear this or even use it? What does it mean to you? Ii think it’s supposed to mean something like “it’s ok”, or “it’s out of my control” or….

But it’s one of those phrases that should be considered on a purely individual basis, not as a pontification for the world.

When I put the rocks in the road the other day to protect the fawn, “it was what it was” right?

Well, to me they were supposed to be a deterrent making people go around the little one.

To a cyclist, it meant “crap, something’s in my way and I have to go around or crash”.

To the deer (if it could think or interpret things) it meant “oh good, I’m safer right now”.

To a driver coming down the road it might mean either “oops, i better get off my phone and drive in the road, not the bike lane” or “what’s that noise” if they drive over the rocks because they were veering.

So, “what it is” is not the same for everyone. Maybe it should be “it is what it is – for me”.

Here’s what dictionary.com says it means:
“Deal with it. It is what it is is an expression used to characterize a frustrating or challenging situation that a person believes cannot be changed and must just be accepted.”

And this is from grammarist.com – “While it can be seen as a lack of desire or motivation to change or improve circumstances, the hidden meaning behind this phrase is deep understanding and acceptance that some things are beyond our control.”

I agree that some things are beyond our control but I also believe there are things we just use this phrase for that can definitely be influenced by our actions.

Sigh…it’s just another one of those “things” to me.

Are there phrases that get under your skin? If so, list them below.

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Say “What Now?” Instead of “Why?”

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Writing the book about my “body language” in the context of physical symptoms and the past has taught me so many things. I can’t wait until it’s published. But, I suppose it’s like having a baby. You can’t rush the process. Patience (not patients) is key.

Sigh.

Anyway, one thing I’ve learned is that continually looking back with the mantra of “why?” or “why me?” is not the way to improve things. It keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be – in the past.

It’s helpful to examine what’s happened in order to find out what happened because certain behavior patterns are based in childhood and knowledge of this is important for healing. In addition, treatments are different depending on the origin of a these patterns.

You have to decide to step forward and step out of your cocoon. Lamenting why me only fills the cocoon with more toxins. You have to shed the shells that have protected you all these years. At least, you have to shed them if you want to heal and change.

It’s not easy to say “what now?” but sitting and paying attention to the deep feeling you get when you say that compared to the feeling when you say “why me?” will surprise you. That may be all you’re able to do for a long time. But just saying those words moves you into the realm of progress.

Some day when you’re feeling brave, you can list in a hidden journal (if you’re not ready to share with others) the answers that come after you ask yourself “What now?”. It may be a bunch of really scary things but at least you’ve gotten them out on paper (or digitally). That is the second step (asking the question is the first).

Once you have some items listed, you can take one at a time to “chunk” down into tiny little pieces that you think you can accomplish.

I think one of the most important things you can do is find others who’ve been where you are. Be careful not to “hang out” with those who have been there for a long time. Sometimes it’s easier and safer to stay where you are and talking about it may appear to be trying to make progress. But what you want, is to find out how the ones who were there clawed their way out. If you have a problem with alcohol, you don’t go to a bar to figure that out. You might find people to help you better at an AA meeting.

Once you’ve said “What now?” a powerful change has been made in your brain and you are on your way to creating new neural pathways that will lead you where you really want to be. The key there is that one answer to “what now?” is to figure out where you want to be. If you want to “be happy”, list what being happy means to you. It shouldn’t be material things. If you stick to them, you end up in the “If-then” conundrum. “When I lose 100 pounds, I’ll be happy and my family will love me.” I am very familiar with this as my primary goal as a child was to make my father love me and stop yelling. So it was always “If I get 100 in this class or that, daddy will love me.” You know what? It never worked. And since this was so programmed into my brain as a child, it persisted as I aged – even into my 70s. It’s only been in the last few years I’ve been able to untangle some of that octopus’s tentacles that have encased me all my life. And that beautiful creature still has its hold on me even after all this work.

Again, it’s not easy at all. You just have to start with “What now?” whenever you want to say “Why?” or “Why me?”

Know that you are not alone. That is one thing i want my book to help people understand. It’s much easier when you hold the hand of someone who’s been there. They may even give you a t-shirt when you’ve “done that”.