Daily Gratitude: This is something I wish i knew, or rather, understood when I was younger. I only had two waves – hurt and anger. And of course, the anger was simply my defense against having to feel the hurt. My parts reacted to everything as a criticism and thus were hurt by everything. I was raised never to let anyone see what was going on inside of me. I was also raised under the cloak of constant anger. That was just how you were supposed to be. It’s taken me a long time to understand that most of our instantaneous reactions are physiological and not something I can (or should want to) control. What I should want to control, however, is my RESPONSE to those reactions. That is something i can (and should) control. I like to look at is as chemicals create the reactions and thoughts create the responses. I may not be able to do anything about the chemicals but i sure can do something about the thoughts. It takes practice – a lot of practice to undo (I like to call it editing) the automatic thoughts I learned to have. But it is possible. If you monitor your thoughts and then evaluate them, it will help. Ask yourself “is this a positive or negative thought?” “Where did it come from?” “Is it something I’ve just ‘practiced’ so much it’s automatic (meaning has it just become a conditioned response?)?” Once you’ve answered these questions and I recommend you start with something simple, ask yourself how you can change those thoughts to serve you better. Then practice thinking them – as stupid as it sounds. Do you think that I automatically believed “everything always works out for me” when I first started to say it? Heck no. But because I so respected the woman who taught me this and so much more, I kept saying it. Do I believe it now? You bet! But it was just through practice that I came to believe it. You can do the same by practicing the things you want to turn around. As I said, though, start with simple things and then work your way up. Record your progress too so you can see what has worked for you.

Daily Gratitude: I’m always amazed at how simple most of the “instructions” for a good life are. Here is another one. It seems pretty obvious that we should always have our attention on loving and loving others. But we don’t behave like that all of the time, do we? And some of us don’t behave like that most of the time. It’s also interesting if you look at how you behave based on “control the controllables”. You can’t control who loves you but you certainly can control who and how much love you give. Saying these things and doing them aren’t always the same and aren’t always easy. However, if we can remember a basic question such as that, it might help to recenter us. You know that little icon on google maps (and probably on Apple Maps too) that says “recenter” to bring you back to where you are right now? We need a similar button in our personal lives too. Something we can hold on to that will get us to recenter ourselves. Do you have a saying or mantra that helps you get back to center ?

Daily Gratitude: Whenever I take time to stop and reflect on my life, I wonder what I could have accomplished had I not been so ruled by fear. It’s kind of funny how in some respects I’ve been fearless and yet in so many others I’ve cowered away from life like a caged dog. Things began to change, though, 5 years ago when I learned about IFS (Internal Family Systems). What an amazing turnaround that created. Prior to this the most daring thing I ever did was push the application button to do Vol State in 2014. I think that’s one reason I love it so much. And then in 2019 I got the courage to try to fulfill a 30 year dream of crossing the US on foot. I didn’t succeed but still have that desire especially to conquer New Mexico. But I can’t tell you how that experience was so difficult yet so rewarding. And I’m not talking about difficult from a physical perspective (since I only made it 716 miles) but from an emotional standpoint. I was (and still am) shy. I was afraid to talk to people and i certainly didn’t know how to ask for help. All of those things were required. But my desire to do this seemingly impossible thing (for a short old woman anyway) outweighed those fears. That was the dream in my heart and it had been there growing and blossoming for all those 30 years. I think that tiny section of my life is exactly what Roy Bennett is talking about here. When you feel something you want to do and feel it with all your heart, don’t bury it. Nourish it and keep it alive while trying to figure out how to make it happen. My biggest reason for not doing it sooner was, of course, work. But I often wonder what would have happened had I tried it at a much younger age. Would I have made it all the way? And how would my life have changed then? It is futile to spend a lot of time wondering but it does give me a little bit of a push when i have something else I want to do but feel too scared. This past experience helps me get past those fears. What do you have in your life that you can use to stimulate thoughts about what would have happened if……?