Category Archives: Lessons Learned

Lessons learned from my walks

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Don’t Shoot the Messenger…or Yourself

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As I sit here waiting all friggin day until the city inspector gets to my appointment, I am thinking very hard about this.

I don’t like being captive because people can’t schedule things so that other people can live their lives too. “No, I can’t give you any closer time frame. It will be somewhere between 8 and 4”.

Bottom line “they” don’t care that other people have things to do.

So, I decided to examine my aggravation – nothing else to do, right?

First, can I be upset with the company that contacted me to set up the appointment. This is just a continuation (and hopefully the end) of my 2022 air conditioning fiasco so there is already kindling in the fire.

No, I can’t really be upset with them. They had to get a permit to put in the gas part of the system (as I understand it) and in order for the permit to be “cleared”, the installation has to be inspected by some city official. Essentially, they are just the messenger. It’s not their fault. After all, they are following the rules which had the other installers done the same, they would have discovered the two life-threatening code violations. One is so egregious I am still fuming. They didn’t hook up the furnace exhaust duct so that if I had turned on the heat, I would have most likely succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning. oh goodie.

So, scratch them off the list.

Can I be upset with the city for not having a more efficient scheduling system? Yes. Even if they can’t give specific appointments, I don’t see why they couldn’t at least do half day time frames instead of an entire day.

Add them to the list….but, can I be upset with the person who’s going to do the inspection? No, it’s not their rule.

Oh well….

Can I be upset that I have to stay home all day? I could, but it would be a false front. If I were still working, that would be a different story. but I’m not, so it’s no big deal for me to have to stay home today – especially since I’m still staying off my foot and can’t walk..and I’m working feverishly on my next release.

Is there something more beneficial with less energy expenditure that I can do? Sure, there are plenty of things including those I just listed.

Scorecard – If I wanted to write to the city government (how do you address that envelope – “dear city government”? – ha, I think not), I could do it. But it’s like worrying – either write the letter, mail it, and move on or just move on. What good does it do to be upset? That is always the question. The answer is usually pretty simple, too, if you take time to examine it…

Have a good day – I know I will!

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Worry…

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Maybe I’m just a slow learner but things are coming to me in old age that I have been trying to learn and understand for decades…lol

My mother always told me not to worry. My father, however, was an expert worry-wart. I inherited his “worry DNA”.

But, for some reason, much has become clear to me in the past month or so. Maybe it’s having to be off my foot and what that has symbolized.

I think I am learning NOT to worry. I am amazed so I don’t want to make any official press releases to that effect yet. Ha!

It really doesn’t do any good to worry. But, I think it’s a control thing. We feel that if we worry about something, we are exerting some sort of control over our fate and the “thing’s” outcome. Many of us, including myself, have hung on to that belief for so long. When control is taken away from us, we think it’s the most horrible fate in the world. But it’s actually freeing. Let me give you an example.

Anyone who has followed me for 4 years knows how much I have hated (which really means been extremely frightened of) the dentist. My dental state can testify to that. Of course, it shouldn’t be a surprise because until I got so sick in 2017, i didn’t think enough of myself and my body to take care of anything. The “invulnerability” syndrome of a person’s 20s persisted in me until 2016.

Anyway, I have had to have a lot of dental work as a result. Since before Vol State this year, I have had a problematic tooth that has consistently, but intermittently reminded me of its presence. So, last week i decided it might be time for something else to be done (it already had a filling, so “something else” equals a root canal.

I made the appointment for today. I wasn’t afraid to do that. First surprise.

I have not worried about it at all – no catastrophizing, no “what if”, no “it’s going to hurt so much”, nothing.

I showed up today and this guy whom I just adore anyway (Advanced Smile Care is the best) told me since the max pain was 1-2 i didn’t need the root canal right now. I could wait until it got worse.

When I left, i realized how much time out of my life would have been wasted had i spent that time worrying about this whole thing. What a freeing and relaxing feeling.

When you realize you don’t have the “power” you think you have (meaning you think you can control the outcome of pretty much anything, vice controlling the process or effort you put into it), you feel so much better and have time to just enjoy being alive.

Remember to use the mantra I do – “Everything always works out for me!”

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Is The World A “Mess”?

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It’s almost discouraging to scan the papers or even social media because most of what you see is negative stuff – people arguing, fighting, violence both provoked and unprovoked.

“Why bother? Many of us have just thrown our hands up in despair. We give up? What’s the world come to? It’s such a mess.”

One of the most important lessons I learned in preparing for the 2022 Vol State race (and subsequently for life – too bad it’s several decades late) was that you should focus on only that which you can control. “Control the Controllables” for short.

Neither you nor I can control the state of the world. We can actually control so very little in our lives that that is often the source of our frustration and even our anger.

But you CAN control the way you behave in YOUR world. You can control your anger and your responses to people and their actions even if you can’t control their actions. Can you go a day without experiencing “frustration” at something? Can you make a pact with yourself to replace every negative thought with something positive? Take the controversy about Daylight Savings Time. You can’t do anything about that. Instead of letting the negative effects of all the name calling and derision get into your mind, why not prevent the spewing of the stress chemicals by thinking about the weather at this time of year (or if it’s still uncomfortable, think about what’s coming) and be grateful and happy about it. I walked to the mailbox this morning (the extent of my walking right now) and it was 58 degrees and glorious. I just took a minute to savor it.

Can you help someone in your apartment, on your block, in your neighborhood, in your community? You can control what you do and who you give to. You can’t control their reactions so don’t do it to gain appreciation and be thought of as a wonderful person. Do it because it gets you out of the “the world is a mess” thinking process.

Or, just concentrate on something in your life that you can control and that will make you feel good. Can you go to bed earlier at least one night a week? Then, maybe 2 or 3 and so on? Can you not get a latte one day a week and donate that money – or put it in a special jar for a surprise you can get for someone or for yourself?

There’s a myriad of ways you can change things in your life so it’s not a mess. We change the world one step and one person and one response at a time.

Make a list of things in your life (see the word cloud image I included and make your own). Then, circle those that are in your control. Copy that to a separate list that you can keep in front of you whenever you need to remind yourself. A car cuts in front of you. Can you control that? No. But, do you have to get upset by it? Nope! That’s within your control!