Category Archives: General

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Can You Go 31 Days Without Complaining?

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Happy May Day (as opposed to Mayday..lol)

So this just came to me this morning. If we want to change our health and improve it, we need to work conscientiously on our nervous system and calm it down – decrease the stress chemicals and increase things like Oxytocin (the Love drug). There are so many ways to calm your nervous system but they need to be done consistently. I have talked about that many times before so I’ll spare you today.

Thinking and feeling optimistic and having hope are important to our health – not just our mental health but physical health as well.

What happens when you complain – either out loud or even just to yourself? Your body starts to react to what it perceives as stress and danger because you’re not happy with something. The brain doesn’t know that you’re just p.o’d at someone cutting in front of you in traffic. It just senses danger and does what it’s supposed to do – release the chemicals that makes you take evasive action so you get to safety. This leads to the feeling of “anxiety” which is just a chemical response not necessarily a mental health issue. Once we have that initial feeling of anxiety and we don’t recognize it as just a temporary thing, then it will continue to flood your system with more chemicals. I am pretty sure I wrote about the 90 second rule before. If you just allow those not so pleasant feelings to exist and not perpetuate them by being more afraid and worried, then the chemicals will metabolize in 90 seconds and you should be back to baseline. This is where deep breathing helps you get through those 90 seconds especially if you focus on having your exhalation be longer than the inhalation.

If you’re not aware of this phenomenon, you will most likely continue to be upset and maybe even more upset that that person’s actions have just totally ruined your day – and the stress chemicals keep flowing. And your day may, indeed, be ruined because you’re just perpetuating things. If you can wait the 90 seconds and let things get back to your normal physiological state then your attitude should be back to baseline and you can have a good day.

So…are you up for trying to go 31 days without complaining? Everyone uses the word “challenge” for everything so I won’t. It’s not really a contest. It’s you taking care of your mind and your body and your overall well being.

Use the 31 days to observe what happens inside you when things don’t go exactly as you’d like or as you planned. Even if you end up complaining, watch what is going on in your system and you will have benefitted from it.

Now this is not one of those things where you have to a) start over if you complain or b) report in or c) do anything you don’t want.

But it will be beneficial to observe your body’s chemistry at work and see what you can do with your mind and see how creative you can be to turn a complaint around. For instance, I got a jacket from Amazon today. It’s heavier than I’d like so I won’t be taking it on the event i wanted to. But i can use it. So here’s my choices:

-I can think “I wish it were lighter” and “I could return it” or
-i can think “damn it, why don’t they ever give you the weights. This was a waste of my time and now I have to either keep it or go to the post office to return it and with the pandemic I don’t want to go out, Blasted Covid”

Geez, even as i wrote that second one i could feel my pulse increase and knew that the adrenaline had been increased in my blood stream – AND I was just giving an example.

I’m going to do this and see what a different it will make in my outlook. Join me if you’d like. You certainly can’t lose.

Today’s gratitudes:
I am grateful I didn’t get caught in any flash floods yesterday

I am grateful I got done walking and could make it to the clinic to pick up my meds

I am grateful that I am happy and healthy!

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Are You A “Do”-er?

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What’s a “Do”-er? I bet almost all of you, like me, are “Do”-ers. You know, we have to “do” something, we don’t know what to “do” with ourselves if we’re not “doing” something. And maybe even we don’t think we are much of anything if we aren’t “doing” or accomplishing something? So often we tie our self-worth to what we have achieved. I know that’s been a discussion point at times in the chronic pain classes I have taken.

“Doing” is a good and very well accepted method of distraction. It often keeps us from looking deep within ourselves to find the immense good that’s there. I have seen this throughout my career too. I remember one of my bosses counseling a guy who had moved from a “worker bee” type position to a “management” position. He was having the most difficult time and she explained to him that this was a difficult transition to make. In his previous “life” his worth was measured by how many tasks were finished each day. In his present “life” (and role) there were no such daily measurements or quotas. His job was to lead, supervise, cajole, caretake, teach etc. – in essence be a parent raising his kids – to his staff. He was to be there for them and help them become “him”. That role involved not doing but just being. It sounds so simple but it wasn’t easy.

Am I just sitting here lecturing you? Heck no. I am telling you that yesterday was my declared “Do Nothing” day. It would have been my brother’s birthday and I decided that instead of running around (that’s the retired version of running around however) “doing” stuff so I didn’t have to deal with or address my feelings I would spend the day alone and with him.

I have to say that it worked out much better than I thought. I had the TV on for one movie and then no other sound all day – not even my favorite music station.

And for those of you who really know me get a load of this – i did NOT even watch or listen to the Yankees last night. So you know I was serious about this.

So what did i “do” all day? I journaled more than i have in forever. I listened to some YouTube videos I’ve been wanting to listen to (so i guess i lied above when is said there was no noise but i did that so early in the am I didn’t even remember). Then I read about 1/2 to 3/4 of a book on forgiveness (Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin) which has been recommended by Dr. Hanscom in his program on chronic pain. But the book is not about chronic pain (well it actually is but it’s about chronic EMOTIONAL pain) and it is NOT about the religious definition of forgiveness. I started it in November and have been wanting to finish it but my eyes don’t really like reading any more. However, yesterday felt like the right time. I hope to finish it today. I recommend it to everyone. I could even post about it if there was enough interest.

Of course in the beginning of the day i “worried” about not getting out there to walk and then i realized that as much as I love walking and how meditative it is, it is also another form of distraction and that the best way for me to truly dig deep was just to have no goals or ideas as to what was going to happen that day.

It was pretty liberating and I actually enjoyed myself despite many of the things I ended up dealing with while journaling.

I definitely recommend it so you can also have that contrast in your life. Remember that it’s hard to know what you really want when you haven’t looked at (or experienced) what you don’t want (clarity vs contrast).

Today’s Gratitudes:
I am grateful I had the idea for a “do nothing” day. It is helping to reset my mental health

I am grateful for all that i have learned (the building blocks) that enabled whatever i built yesterday to have more stability

I am grateful that I have the leeway to do the same for most of today if I choose.

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Wow!

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I had the greatest experience last night! My favorite thing in the world is St Jude Children’s Research Hospital and as usual I have wonderful stories about how that happened and I may share it with you. But more importantly I want to share the hope and happiness that hospital generates to all who are involved or near it. When I retired from the Navy in 2004 and moved to San Antonio, I drove up to the hospital on my way and as i sat there out front, the aura and energy that surrounded it was breathtaking. If a building can capture the love and warmth of those inside and associated with it, this one did!

So I was very fortunate to have been selected as a participant in a virtual tour of the hospital – see the pandemic helped me out once again. The tour was given by a woman who’s daughter had osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and her heart wrenching yet heartwarming story was, I think, even more important than the tour.

The hospital does NOT look like a hospital. When you walk in, you see love, fun, joy and happiness and those qualities radiate from the walls and the staff throughout the entire facility. The staff and patients comingle and eat together in the cafeteria (obviously things have changed with the pandemic but they still do the best they can to be one big happy family).

They have made such a difference in the cure rate for childhood cancer and not just in the US but throughout the world. They have a section where they hang the flags of the countries of staff and patients. And there are “translator” phones all throughout the hospital. They have thought of everything and will continue to do so,.

Since my brother’s birthday is Friday and his wife is a big lover of St Jude I am trying to find the best birthday gift that he ever got from me – the gift of helping so many others around the world. I’m thinking of a brick or a plaque. I am pretty sure that will make his wife happy since she is a supporter.

Here’s a story (or two) about my involvement with St Jude.

I had never heard of it and one morning was driving to work and heard the music station i was listening to start talking about a “radiothon” they were starting. I was clueless but intrigued. So when i got to work, i called and donated – I was entered in some “prize” thing too but didn’t pay much attention. All I knew was that I was hooked on this hospital and listened to the radiothon for the entire two days.

A month or so later I got a call one day from someone at St Jude (?) telling me I had won the prize. It was a sky box for an Alan Jackson concert. That’s a big wow. So i rounded up my few friends and we had a great time. Not a bad intro to the hospital.

After that the regional director and I became good friends and met frequently. I am proud to say I was instrumental in helping them develop the St Jude Marathon many many years ago. That was an endeavor I really enjoyed and meant something especially when you see how much it has evolved.

My favorite story though is one that still brings tears to my eyes. When I buy concert tickets I keep trying to get the best i can. So I usually end up with several sets of tickets. Well, Shania Twain was coming to town and I wanted the best i could get. I think i ended up with 5 tickets (in different sections of course). One was for me and one for my friend. That left 3 tickets. I called my friend the regional director and asked if she knew any patients who would like the tickets. Amazingly they had a family from Virginia Beach area (about 2 hours South of DC) and they were going to be in town that weekend. She called them and found out that the daughter (the actual patient) was a big Shania Twain fan.

So, there you go – that’s the end of the story right? NOT. The regional director tried to get the girl to meet Shania but it was the night before Thanksgiving and her people said Shania just wanted to get on the road to get home after the show. But my friend did not give up. And it turns out that the forces of the universe didn’t either. Turns out there was a woman on her staff that had just left her job “working for Shania” to come work at St Jude. So, she pulled some strings and got the family to meet with her after the show. Totally amazing

End of the story, right? NO

The seats they had were way in the back and after we had met we split up and said goodbye. Next thing you know, i see my friend moving down the aisle and motioning to me. She told me where to meet them after so I could be there when Suzanne met Shania. I asked why they all were moving. Turns out that since mom was in a wheelchair (another very long story) they were moving them all down to the area right in front of the stage. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen any of her concerts but Shania Twain really put on a show! And this little girl who had suffered so much was going to get a front row seat! How cool is that?

At the special meet and greet, Shania was so wonderful with Suzanne. It wasn’t rushed or artificial or anything. It made her day and elevated my respect for Shania Twain more than you can ever imagine.

Everything always works out for me (and those around me).

The tears fill my eyes just writing about this great memory.

Today’s gratitudes:
I am so grateful I had this experience last night touring St Jude

I am grateful I found St Jude oh so many years ago

I am grateful for the great strength that others have that give me inspiration.