What’s a “Do”-er? I bet almost all of you, like me, are “Do”-ers. You know, we have to “do” something, we don’t know what to “do” with ourselves if we’re not “doing” something. And maybe even we don’t think we are much of anything if we aren’t “doing” or accomplishing something? So often we tie our self-worth to what we have achieved. I know that’s been a discussion point at times in the chronic pain classes I have taken.
“Doing” is a good and very well accepted method of distraction. It often keeps us from looking deep within ourselves to find the immense good that’s there. I have seen this throughout my career too. I remember one of my bosses counseling a guy who had moved from a “worker bee” type position to a “management” position. He was having the most difficult time and she explained to him that this was a difficult transition to make. In his previous “life” his worth was measured by how many tasks were finished each day. In his present “life” (and role) there were no such daily measurements or quotas. His job was to lead, supervise, cajole, caretake, teach etc. – in essence be a parent raising his kids – to his staff. He was to be there for them and help them become “him”. That role involved not doing but just being. It sounds so simple but it wasn’t easy.
Am I just sitting here lecturing you? Heck no. I am telling you that yesterday was my declared “Do Nothing” day. It would have been my brother’s birthday and I decided that instead of running around (that’s the retired version of running around however) “doing” stuff so I didn’t have to deal with or address my feelings I would spend the day alone and with him.
I have to say that it worked out much better than I thought. I had the TV on for one movie and then no other sound all day – not even my favorite music station.
And for those of you who really know me get a load of this – i did NOT even watch or listen to the Yankees last night. So you know I was serious about this.
So what did i “do” all day? I journaled more than i have in forever. I listened to some YouTube videos I’ve been wanting to listen to (so i guess i lied above when is said there was no noise but i did that so early in the am I didn’t even remember). Then I read about 1/2 to 3/4 of a book on forgiveness (Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin) which has been recommended by Dr. Hanscom in his program on chronic pain. But the book is not about chronic pain (well it actually is but it’s about chronic EMOTIONAL pain) and it is NOT about the religious definition of forgiveness. I started it in November and have been wanting to finish it but my eyes don’t really like reading any more. However, yesterday felt like the right time. I hope to finish it today. I recommend it to everyone. I could even post about it if there was enough interest.
Of course in the beginning of the day i “worried” about not getting out there to walk and then i realized that as much as I love walking and how meditative it is, it is also another form of distraction and that the best way for me to truly dig deep was just to have no goals or ideas as to what was going to happen that day.
It was pretty liberating and I actually enjoyed myself despite many of the things I ended up dealing with while journaling.
I definitely recommend it so you can also have that contrast in your life. Remember that it’s hard to know what you really want when you haven’t looked at (or experienced) what you don’t want (clarity vs contrast).
Today’s Gratitudes:
I am grateful I had the idea for a “do nothing” day. It is helping to reset my mental health
I am grateful for all that i have learned (the building blocks) that enabled whatever i built yesterday to have more stability
I am grateful that I have the leeway to do the same for most of today if I choose.