It's a list of all the wonderful memories you have. I put it on my phone so it's always handy.
It's just a list of things that have meant so much to me in my life. "What good is a list and what do you do with it?"
Things don't always go right in our lives. Or better put, they don't always go as we'd like them to. Why not have a collection of "toys" you can go play with when you're feeling down? That collection of toys is your memory list.
I've written down (and continue to add to it) as many of the happy times and memories I have. During tough times or when I'm tired or need an uplift, I look at my list and pick a memory to relive. It does amazing things to and for your brain. It will help release endorphins and oxytocin all of which will elevate your mood.
Here's two examples:
- Saturday when I finally turned on the heat, I discovered it wasn't working. I called my friend for help. Then it worked but conked out again. Instead of panicking over something I can't control (remember yesterday's lesson), I just let it go and told myself that it would get fixed eventually. But I didn't just stop there. The friend I called was the grandson of my neighbor who moved away in October and whom I still miss so much. That, of course, brought back memories of Steve. Instead of moping about how much I missed him, i remembered how he organized a block party for me two nights before I left on my trek and how much fun we all had. That got me out of any funk pretty quickly.
- At Across the Years in December when I was having those 5 days of pain, in addition to using the pain reprocessing tools I have learned, I thought about my favorite memory of all time. It was the last presentation I ever gave while I was working and I knocked it out of the park. I was flying high by the time that was over. It was as if I had been taken over by Steve Jobs or someone who amazes audiences for a living. The feeling I had at the end of that is one I've never experienced before or since. Reliving that memory helped pull me out of the pain pit as I made the laps at the race and helped me get to the point where the pain finally left.
It's so simple:
1) Make a list of these memories
2) Keep the list on an index card or on a readily available file in your phone
3) When you're in need of any sort of lift, pull out the card and pick a memory
4) Actually try to do time travel and return to the memory and feel as if you're in it again.
I hope I don't lose track of the numbers but so far so good - after all, it's only the second week..lol
This lesson probably should have been number 1 it's so important and it's one I just came across last year and am still working hard on it. I know I've probably already talked about it in multiple posts. It's just that important.
We must realize there are things we can control and things we can't control. I know I have spent a great deal of my life focusing on the things I can't control - the past and the future for instance. The past is over and done so it's only good for providing fun memories to use for joy and for learning lessons. The future hasn't come yet and we really can't control the outcome of much of anything (that we discussed in process over outcome last week).
So what can we control? Our actions and our response to things in the here and now. Worry does no good and changes nothing. I have spent a great part of my life in the worry game and I have never won. Predicting the future never works because we don't have that ability despite how hard we try. Why have i wasted so much time and energy on these things before last year. I think some of it is because we need to feel in control and instead of working to control the right now, we want to try to control everything else. I also think it depends on our upbringing. My father and mother were polar opposites. My father was sure there was something terminal happening every time my mother sighed whereas my mother never worried about anything. I, unfortunately, took after my father in this one.
How do you change your behavior?
1 - Be aware of this concept! Now that you've read this post, you are aware. See how easy that was?
2 - Make a list of all the things in your life and put them into two columns. One column is those things you can control. The second column is those things you cannot control. Example: Editing my book - I can control People buying my book - I can't control People liking my book - I can't control Being happy the book is done - I can control Considering myself a success when it's done - i can control Being successful with the book - i can't control Training for vol state - i can control Finishing vol state - i can't control Living another 20 years - I can't control Being happy every day of however long i have left - i can control Leaving for work on time (if i were still working) - i can control because i don't have any family to take care of Getting to work on time - i can't control (unless because of the pandemic i was working at home). Getting everything on my grocery list - i can't control (there are supply shortages or the store may be out) Looking for everything on my grocery list - I can control but just because i look doesn't mean I'll be able to get something. etc.
I would write down everything that happens in your life or that you want to happen. The two years I missed vol state because of illness i didn't plan on nor could i foresee. If i had been focused just on being in the race (which is exactly where i was mentally) i would (and did) spend a lot of energy on "wishing it were so". What I planned on didn't happen and instead of focusing on the process (something I could control) and take pleasure in that, i was focused on the future (which i couldn't control) and was terribly disappointed and let down when it didn't happen.
Once you've made the list hang it up and when you find yourself focusing on anything, either look at the list or ask yourself "is this something I can control?" If it is, then go all out on it. If it isn't, you have to let it go. That is the hard part because we always want to change something that is not up to us. But practicing it with small things will help you do it with the big ones.
This will give you so much more time and energy that you'll be surprised. Try it out for a week or so and see what happens.
Did you ever think about that? That your primary role in life is to teach others something? You may not know exactly what but you are here to do that? Look at how children model their parent's behavior and mannerisms. Older people do that too. People are always watching you. If they see something they don't think is right they will remember you. But if they see something that they think is wrong, they will also remember you. Keeping that in mind, how do you want to be remembered? Can you think about that the next time you try to cut someone off in traffic or worse yet flip them off when they cut you off? Do you have to respond "in kind" to people or can you respond and "be kind".
What side of you do you want to show the world? We all think about this to some degree when we do something "important". Yet we need to let this thought guide us in everything we do.
What is it you have to teach others? You may be saying "not much. I'm not a teacher, I'm a business person." Always remember that more teaching is done outside of the classroom than in it. Just ask the many parents who had their kids out of school during the pandemic.
It also pays to remember that you teach other people how to treat you too. If you can't say "no" or aren't very good at setting boundaries (like me) then you may end up feeling that you've been taken advantage of. But no one is taking advantage of you, they are just doing what they always have done. You have always said "yes" so why is it bothering you now? Do you let other people or your kids take advantage of you? That is on you? Be the victor, not the victim and simply take control of your life. Don't give it away to others. You'll be doing them a favor by teaching them how to recognize a problem (that you can't set boundaries) and then how to solve it (by starting to set some but doing it gently - so as not to frighten yourself or others.
Everywhere you go, everything you say, and everything you write on social media follows you forever. I cringe when i see people yelling at the employees at a fast food place (there are a lot of those lately) and throwing food at them. What message are they giving people - not only about how they think others should be treated but also how it's ok to be hateful and then act on that rage. We have seen a great increase in that since 2016 and it hurts my soul to watch the hate surface again against pretty much anyone who is DIFFERENT. I hate to tell these people but they are DIFFERENT too. It is up to us to teach kindness, love and understanding. This is not something to do only when it's an event on the calendar but every single day.
