Daily Gratitude: I love this. Read it slowly and see a) if it strikes you as representing how you look at people; b) if this is how you feel people evaluate you. Even though nowadays with AI and short attention spans, we really owe it to the “book” to read the entire thing, not just the cover, the introduction or the reviews. What kind of background does the person have? Have they experienced trauma of any sort? Do they have any medical problems? Any recent losses? What’s their family life like? You have to try to get to know the other person. You might be surprised or even shocked. When you watch a movie, you want to know the plot AND the ending. But you can’t really skip the beginning and claim to know what the story’s about. Do you judge the quality of the movie from watching the trailer! On the other hand, let people know about what’s inside of you too. Allow them inside once you’ve decided you want a relationship of some sort. We are multilayered beings, an archaeological dig that takes time and effort to uncover. Next time you start to criticize or analyze or judge someone, stop and think of this quote.

Daily Gratitude: This is probably the most important lesson about emotions that i’ve ever learned. Understanding it can help free you from the “prison” of your emotions – feeling as if you’re out of control. Once you realize there are two components to your emotions, it’s easier to handle them. Sort of like all the “chunking down” I talk about. So, what are the two parts? Just as this quote says. 1) You can’t stop them from coming and 2) your response. In fact, many of us get into trouble trying to stop them from coming. Then they behave like a pressure cooker, building up steam over a certain time (seconds, minutes, days, years) to the point where the pressure has to be released and “Bam” you explode. This happens not just with anger but with the other emotions as well. All the time you’ve been stuffing them like a Thanksgiving turkey, they are being processed by your body and nervous system – result: illness and/or pain. I have first hand experience in this. It’s not something I’m proud of but definitely something I learned from – thank goodness. I’m finally, after all these decades, learning to feel them but i still have a very long way to go. What I am also getting better at is controlling how I respond to those feelings/emotions. Once i know I’m feeling anger, i know that i can either express it or not. That is a choice that IS up to me. That control factor that we all cherish. But, in the case of emotions, this is the one place where control is good. Try to observe your emotions over the coming holiday period and see if you can identify them (i can only do basic ones still) and then see what your response has been. If you like that response, you can continue to react that way. if you don’t, then you can change it. it will take practice but you’ll be happy you put in the effort. Think of other things you do out of habit or discipline. Make this observation and evaluation a “practice” just like the other practices in your life.

Daily Gratitude: During the winter months, some people have to show a great deal of courage to just get out of bed. Others may condemn that but they don’t understand what holidays, cold weather and minimal sunlight can do to some people. Or, perhaps, this might be the first holiday without a loved one. The survivor(s) is barely making it through and feels as if there is absolutely nothing to grasp onto. Then, along come all these cheery songs and people saying things that always begin with “have a happy…..” (fill in any number of holidays). Then when Thanksgiving is over and they feel they have somewhat of a reprieve, along come the religious holiday…exhaustion has taken hold. And, wait, there’s more….it’s not over yet. Here comes the “New Year” and eveyone’s resolutions for doing thinigs that will give them a better life, blah blah blah. They’re lying in bed or on the couch thinking “i just want to scream. It’s all i can do to open my eyes every morning, make it to the bathroom to try to be presentable and you are out there shouting about a wonderful new year. It’s so dark in here and no one out there cares…..” Do you know anyone who might be feeling this way or have you ever experienced this? To open their eyes every day takes more courage than i think I’ll ever have. Yet, we don’t call these people “hero’s” because they didn’t “do something” that we consider courageous. That’s bogus. Each person suffering loss is more of a hero than most of those who get all the publicity. Step back and look at those around you and see if you can glimpse the courage they are using to get through the next few weeks. But don’t forget about them afterwards.