Daily Gratitude: My favorite photos are those which have reflections. For some reason they pull me in. Perhaps that’s a reflection (pun intended) on where I am at mentally and emotionally in my life. We often see our thoughts (the mental part) reflected in our actions and emotions. And that’s a good thing. If the water (the usual means by which things are reflected) is still and smooth, there’s a greater likelihood that the reflection will be an accurate one. If, however, there are some – or even just one- ripples on the surface of the water, the reflection will be distorted. The question is how do we know when the surface is rippled? I think we know by the turbulence we’re either experiencing in life’s daily events or in our feelings (such as feeling unsettled or anxious). Those would be indications to me. Then I would enter within (and often that’s a scary proposition) and see if I can figure out what’s the deeper cause of all the turmoil. I have a part (IFS) that wants me to take a nap and causes me to be so sleepy I can’t resist. I am learning that this is a powerful part that doesn’t want me to have to feel and is very afraid that I will start feeling more. But it’s funny. Whenever I try to nap, another part takes over – the tennis player. This part is just hitting balls lobbed to it by the ball machine. It simply keeps tossing thought after thought over the net. This prevents me from sleeping. But guess what, it also prevents me from feeling because I feel like I’m at Wimbledon watching the ball go back and forth- once again not allowing me the time to feel anything. I think that I have to reassure these parts that I have grown (remember they are usually developed when we are young) and can handle feeling things. All this was a verbose way of letting you know that if the waters aren’t still and are showing a less than sharp reflection, it’s time to go within (using whatever method works for you. For me it’s IFS) and see what’s going on inside. Yes someone may have thrown a stone into the water to make it rippled but that stone and that person are part of your experience and they are trying to tell you something too. You just need to listen more.

Daily Gratitude: This is sound advice but often very hard to do. But I do believe that all of us need to spend some time alone so we can rejuvenate and see if we can think about what we are made of and what thoughts are really ours. Otherwise we can’t tell the difference between what we think and what others think. We may not know the difference. We often lose sight of ourselves in the busy world of today, trying to make everyone happy can do that to a person. We’re pulled in so many directions. We have to pull back and assess where we are and what WE think. It’s wise to actually program this into your life schedule.

Daily Gratitude: I think this is something that’s smacking us in th face almost every day right now. Given the divide in our country it’s almost impossible to “win” an argument. I put that in quotes for a reason. Before you open your mouth, you should step back, take a deep breath and define what “win” means to you. Do you just want the other person to shout out to the world “oh, now I see the light! You’re right and my beliefs have been wrong all this time!”? Or are you seeking to understand the other person’s viewpoint and would like them to understand yours too. Ask “what do I want – for me, for the other person and for the relationship?” If you want to change the other person, good luck with that. Remember that you can only control the controllables. Other people are not within your controllables. And especially with the current climate. Once you know that, ask yourself why you’re even bothering to engage them. I may be a pessimist (although I look at it as just facing reality) but I don’t think that even the best on the debate team could influence someone of the opposite persuasion nowadays. I also know I would get frustrated by that person’s “hardheadedness”. Of course I’m sure I’m just as hardheaded to them. Even if the answer to “what do you want for them” is “ to help them see the right way”, you must step back and say “who am I to determine what the ‘right’ way is? I’m not God. I can only seek to understand why they feel as they do. So I’ll be on my best behavior finding that out even though I doubt either of us will change our minds.” Tell us about any such conversations you’ve had.