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Daily Gratitude

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Daily Gratitude: Letting go in any shape or form is extremely difficult for humans. And this type of letting go may be one of the worst, ranking right up there with letting go of a relationship.

It’s important though. When I was 4 I decided i was going to be a doctor (God told me I was and who was i to argue). Within the next few years I professed to the world that I was going to be a neurosurgeon just like Ben Casey (a TV show starring a neurosurgeon for those of you too young to know this)! That was it. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Fast forward to the age of 21 where I was diagnosed with epilepsy. It wasn’t the diagnosis that bothered me although that was bad enough. It was that i knew I couldn’t become a neurosurgeon- or any kind of surgeon for that matter.

I had to let go. Did I want to let go? Heck no but I didn’t have any choice. Facts were facts.

You’ve heard me say this many times before – my ultimate career choice was so much better and I ended up doing more good in the military disability system than I ever would have as a neurosurgeon. My life and that of many others was positively impacted by that one diagnosis and my letting go.

What is really bothering you right now? Can you let it go and trust the universe? How will that look for you? Not your future but the actual letting go? It’s nebulous but can you embrace this

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Daily Hotline Message

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Letting go – an expansion of the marshmallow test.

You remember the marshmallow test, right? They put kids in a room with a plate holding 1 marshmallow. They told them they could eat it now but that if they could wait a short period of time and not eat that marshmallow, they would be given a second one.

The results showed The ability to wait was linked to greater self-reliance, confidence, and better coping mechanisms under stress as they grew older. 

And yes I know there is a lot of criticism about the test and its conclusions – what else is new ?

This was a test to measure the child’s ability to delay gratification. How many of us would pass that test today?

I wish they would do a similar test where the researcher would come right back in and take the marshmallow away. And see how that went.

But you could do your own study. Make it simple. Maybe even use a marshmallow

This should be a good place to start since marshmallows are probably NOT part of your binge food list – or maybe they are. Anyway, I don’t think missing them will be playing nasty on your craving centers. You always want to start something new with the greatest chance of success.

So buy a small bag of marshmallows but get the real ones not the baby size they sell. Some of this is a visual thing.

Add one or even 2 of them to your plate at a meal when you’re most likely to be the hungriest. That’s different for each of you.

Before you eat the meal sit there and contemplate eating that marshmallow. That’s why I want you to be the hungriest- so that contemplation will mean more. Do that for at least a minute and preferably two.

Then take the marshmallow off your plate but put it within sight. You may now eat your meal.

Note (preferably on paper or the computer ) what you felt if anything during that meal. Was it hard to a) remove the marshmallow and/or b) to leave it uneaten and in sight? What were your feelings. Go beyond “this is a stupid experiment. Why did I listen to Terrie”.

Next find a food you enjoy. Add it to your plate and contemplate eating it. Then remove it leaving it in plain sight

Log your feelings on this experience

You can also do this with snacks. If you normally eat ice cream in the evening, fill your bowl with the same amount as usual.

Then take a scoop out and put it back in the container. How did that go? Did you feel a loss? Deprived? Treated unfairly even though it was you doing it? Don’t worry you can keep your reactions to yourself.

You can take this even further if you live with someone. Fill up your ice cream bowl normally (be careful not to cheat knowing what’s coming). Then ask someone else to take “some” away and you can define that.

How do you feel now?

These are all lessons in letting go. As you think and experiment you might come up with other experiments. The idea is to practice letting go. As with anything else practice gives you the tools to help you through the same type of situation in the future.

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Daily Gratitude

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Daily Gratitude: This is the one most important lesson anyone can tatoo on their forehead.

Persistence is what it takes. You can read or see (via YouTube) stories about the “greats” in any field and how they often sucked at what they were trying to do but just kept at it. And eventually after lots and lots of practice, they succeeded and then after even more practice they became great.

You know I’m a Yankees fan so of course one example has to be of a Yankee (and actually it’s two examples)

When Derek Jeter first came up to the big leagues he made a lot of errors and wasn’t “the star” his scout predicted ….yet….but take a look at the progression of his career and you’ll see how persistent effort on his part helped him improve season after season. Now No one thinks about his rookie year.

Yogi Berra was definitely nothing to write home about in his first year. In fact, he was pretty bad. But he wanted to be the best and he wanted to be a Yankee so he worked his butt off in the off-season and came back in year 2 so much better. And now he’s often a household name and not just because of his famous sayings.

Don’t give up. Every time you do something, you get better at it. So just keep doing it and you’ll keep getting better and better. You don’t have to be brilliant or Mensa level intelligent. You just have to keep working. Can you do that?