Daily Gratitude: It’s important to know why 10 people can see the same thing and yet react in 10 different ways. The key point here is that once we see or experience something, it goes through our massive data bank and is “processed”. That means it’s analyzed and compared to anything the brain can find that’s related to it (based on our prior experience- that’s why the first time a child sees the hot burner he or she puts their hand down on it without pause. This creates a memory which is stored under the “danger” category. It may be reinforced by “no” shouted from mom’s mouth but the pain is probably enough. The next time the child sees an object that looks like that (he or she doesn’t have the cognitive awareness yet to say ‘oh, that’s a burner even though it doesn’t look like the last one’), the brain jumps in and says “nope not going to do that again”). In this case there’s a conclusion and a judgment but no attribution since it’s an object. As the child becomes exposed to other humans and equates actions with outcomes, it creates the attribution, which is particular to him and his circumstances. This all falls under the concept of predictive coding. If you watch yourself, you’ll see how you take first impressions and then make judgments and also determine the other’s motives. But I might interpret everything totally differently based on what’s in my database. I hope this makes some sense because it’s a big key to understanding WHY others do the things they do; the things that make us scratch our heads. Read “Crucial Conversations”. It’s a phenomenal book and it will help you navigate almost any discussion.

Daily Gratitude: It pays to commit this concept to memory and then to apply it. We feel physical pain yes. But most of the time we compound the physical pain by adding on the pain emotional pain. The worry,
The regret, the disappointment, the despair, etc. As a result, we feel even worse. It’s how we interpret and judge things that exacerbate them. The good part of this, though, is that because the “add-on” pain is something we create, we can control it too! Broke your leg? It probably won’t hurt much (physically) a few days after it’s set or operated on. But what if you’re going to have to miss a big race or a trip to walk the Camino or hike or whatever? There is great sadness and disappointment there. Those emotions will cause pain and they will piggyback onto the physical pain so that you can’t tell the difference. This, when the physical pain dissolves, you won’t even know it because it was so intertwined with the emotional pain. Take some time to separate the two. Allow yourself to feel disappointment but say “only for x amount of time: then I’m done with the negative stuff and making plans for when I get back”. It really will change your outlook on things and on life.

Daily Gratitude: How often do we fall into this trap? Things are going along in a status quo. And then “bam” something happens. We feel bad or sad or angry and mad. We can’t see the sense in it all. The negative spiral begins and we don’t even attempt to hold on to the railing. We just let that spiral take us down further and further. There are no landings, no stops in this elevator ride, no place you can get off. How common is this? Instead we should pick another elevator shaft – one that doesn’t go directly to the basement but makes stops at each floor along the way. That way you can get off when you’ve determined you’ve had enough. And it’s you who must determine that. You’re the one who can say “I only want to go down 2 floors and then I’ll get off and that’s it for my negative mood. When I get off, that elevator door will close and all that fear and anger and sadness will stay within. I’m on my way to a new and better destination.” Have you ever thought of your situation in that kind of light. Try it next time the morning traffic threatens to ruin your mood for the day. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some kind of control? This gives you control. Practice this technique or another you can come up with to make your negative thoughts and feelings temporary. Practice on small things so you can then handle the big ones.