Daily Gratitude: I think this is something that’s smacking us in th face almost every day right now. Given the divide in our country it’s almost impossible to “win” an argument. I put that in quotes for a reason. Before you open your mouth, you should step back, take a deep breath and define what “win” means to you. Do you just want the other person to shout out to the world “oh, now I see the light! You’re right and my beliefs have been wrong all this time!”? Or are you seeking to understand the other person’s viewpoint and would like them to understand yours too. Ask “what do I want – for me, for the other person and for the relationship?” If you want to change the other person, good luck with that. Remember that you can only control the controllables. Other people are not within your controllables. And especially with the current climate. Once you know that, ask yourself why you’re even bothering to engage them. I may be a pessimist (although I look at it as just facing reality) but I don’t think that even the best on the debate team could influence someone of the opposite persuasion nowadays. I also know I would get frustrated by that person’s “hardheadedness”. Of course I’m sure I’m just as hardheaded to them. Even if the answer to “what do you want for them” is “ to help them see the right way”, you must step back and say “who am I to determine what the ‘right’ way is? I’m not God. I can only seek to understand why they feel as they do. So I’ll be on my best behavior finding that out even though I doubt either of us will change our minds.” Tell us about any such conversations you’ve had.

Daily Gratitude: It’s so important for us to realize this. I love the way it’s put “the obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” At the risk of boring you I will once again use a personal example to illustrate this. Although I personally felt I was destined to become a doctor because at the age of 4 God told me I was going to be one, I don’t think that qualifies as “predestined”. But that’s not the important point. I encountered one very big obstacle to my desire to be a neurosurgeon. When I was 21 I developed epilepsy. Even though it’s been totally controlled since I was started on medicine, my chance of becoming any type of surgeon, let alone a neurosurgeon, went down the drain. But God hadn’t told me I was going to be a neurosurgeon, just that I was going to be a doctor. You all know how long that took me but that’s another story. Anyway, I searched and searched for an alternative specialty and finally (well, almost finally) i settled on emergency medicine. As it turned out, though, that was only a gateway. that led to administrative medicine and then I met another obstacle- what were they going to do with me now that i had been out of clinical medicine for too long? They sent me to the disability system to “finish out my career and retire”. Well that was my new beginning. I stayed much longer and then did the same thing as a civilian for the army after I retired from the navy. I helped more people in all those years than I ever could have as a neurosurgeon and probably enjoyed it much much more. So never give up hope. Sometimes the detours you take to get around the obstacles take you on roads you never knew existed. Always have your ladders and binoculars handy so you can climb up and look way beyond those obstacles that pop up in your way.

Daily Gratitude: Why am I posting this “boring” and old fashioned idea? Because, now more than ever, we need to remember it. And we need to remember that we’re adults and should act like adults the majority of the time. Looking around nowadays I don’t see that. I see bullying and name callling – on both sides. Just because someone else acts in a certain way does not mean it’s ok for us to. Quite the contrary- it’s all the more reason why we should step back, take some deep breaths and carefully think about what we want to say. A divided country is NOT a good country nor a strong one. Protests are good but mindless name calling may not be. If you look at the type of rhetoric that’s being thrown around, neither side is any better than the other. Looking at the content and discussing that (without all the rage) is key and is essential. But how do we stop the emotional responses – OUR own response that is? By stepping back and posting about the content- the pros and cons about the content. This is not easy by any means but if we want to role model for future generations, maybe we all (no matter the side) need to ask if we would want our kids to act like we’re acting. Pick some small item to change how you’re responding and reacting then work your way up to the bigger things. At least take a look at this idea.