Daily Gratitude: This one saying is something that can help us through many a tough time. Here’s where we have to use our conscious brain to help us separate what’s going on around us. We have to he able to examine our circumstances and our feelings to determine if safety or comfort is the issue. Once we know that, we can respond appropriately. If we are safe, then we can address the discomfort and remember that most of the time growth requires some discomfort or it won’t happen. By making the distinction that you are safe, it becomes easier for your brain to behave in a rational manner. If your brain thinks you’re unsafe, the primal functions will kick in and during that time, the cognitive portions of your brain are not working well, if at all. Often all it takes is your analyzing the situation and then telling your brain “we (or you) are safe. There is no danger”. I remember saying this repeatedly and even creating a song incorporating it, during one vol state race when the nerve pain in my back was intense. It didn’t take the nerve pain away completely but it definitely helped. Copy this saying down and put it somewhere you can always gaze upon it and then remember that your brain needs to know the same thing.

Daily Gratitude: I used to avoid change like the plague. I’ve improved some but nowhere near what I’d like. It’s hard for me to adapt a “happy” face when I say or write the word “change”. But, the word “flexibility” has a nice ring to it so it’s something i can hold on to. If I look at a situation as one where I need to evoke my flexibility, then it’s a challenge I don’t mind accepting. It’s a viewpoint. If I look at a change in my plans, let’s say because the airline messed up the flights, I get upset. But if I look at this same situation as “I am a flexible person so how will I demonstrate my flexibility in getting to my destination”, it’s less painful. As I write this I think it boils down to a sense of control (no surprise there). Notice I said a sense of control, not actual control. Both viewpoints involve someone else determining my “fate” but the first one (thinking about it as change) is me having something imposed on me without any input from me (how dare they). The second viewpoint (flexibility) means I am doing something different with the emphasis on the three simple words “I” and “am doing”. My response (being flexible) is within my control. The situation isn’t. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s an adaptation that’s part of the human experience (the need for control). Even if you’re shaking your head saying “why dont you just let go?”, my answer is that that’s flexibility- letting go is a response and again, that is within your control. Looking at it this way may help you overcome any persistent resistance to change that you may have.

Daily Gratitude: Yes I write a lot about death. But it’s healthy and much healthier than ignoring it until it’s too late. So I hope I can open people’s minds to the point where they can have a normal talk about death and teach others that it’s not a 4 letter word. There are so many aspects of dying that it’s hard to separate them. I think it’s important that we recognize at least some of them because doing so changes how we view and interact with the person who is dying. This idea is mine alone not from some book and the words are the best I can find to describe things but they are far from the best words. I think that we often get hung up in one of the two bookends of dying and forget the all important middle one. First there is the spiritual partition. What is going to happen to the soul or spirit? Is there a heaven or hell? Is there even an existence after death? “Oh they will be out of pain and no longer suffering” etc. On the opposite end is the basic primal needs of the individual that we don’t want to deal with – the poop, the pee, the other secretions, the wounds, the smell, etc. all the functions that make us living beings and the things that we’ve been able to hide all our lives. Now everything is on display for the world to see. It’s like caring for a baby again. “Ugh, gross” all those things you’re thinking but aren’t polite to say. Here’s where the middle partition comes in. This person is still alive, albeit with a much shorter life span and awareness of such. But the sun comes up and sets for them each day. They have desires, they still love and want to be loved; they want comfort and want to give comfort; they want to watch funny tv shows and movies. They love music and still have favorites. They want to laugh. They want company and conversation (and not always about death). They are people, not babies and not yet ethereal beings. They are just like you and me with similar problems as well as different problems. We need to treat them as being alive until they are ready to give that up. Don’t abandon them and stop talking or visiting. Keep them in your circle of friends, acquaintances and loved ones. Sometimes they don’t want to be different (they want to discuss and have the same things you do) while sometimes they need to have different conversations. Keep them as an important part of your life for that tells them they are still an important part of your life. We are a tribal race and we all need to be part of someone’s life- right up until the end.