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    Terrie Wurzbacher

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    Are You A “Do”-er?

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    What’s a “Do”-er? I bet almost all of you, like me, are “Do”-ers. You know, we have to “do” something, we don’t know what to “do” with ourselves if we’re not “doing” something. And maybe even we don’t think we are much of anything if we aren’t “doing” or accomplishing something? So often we tie our self-worth to what we have achieved. I know that’s been a discussion point at times in the chronic pain classes I have taken.

    “Doing” is a good and very well accepted method of distraction. It often keeps us from looking deep within ourselves to find the immense good that’s there. I have seen this throughout my career too. I remember one of my bosses counseling a guy who had moved from a “worker bee” type position to a “management” position. He was having the most difficult time and she explained to him that this was a difficult transition to make. In his previous “life” his worth was measured by how many tasks were finished each day. In his present “life” (and role) there were no such daily measurements or quotas. His job was to lead, supervise, cajole, caretake, teach etc. – in essence be a parent raising his kids – to his staff. He was to be there for them and help them become “him”. That role involved not doing but just being. It sounds so simple but it wasn’t easy.

    Am I just sitting here lecturing you? Heck no. I am telling you that yesterday was my declared “Do Nothing” day. It would have been my brother’s birthday and I decided that instead of running around (that’s the retired version of running around however) “doing” stuff so I didn’t have to deal with or address my feelings I would spend the day alone and with him.

    I have to say that it worked out much better than I thought. I had the TV on for one movie and then no other sound all day – not even my favorite music station.

    And for those of you who really know me get a load of this – i did NOT even watch or listen to the Yankees last night. So you know I was serious about this.

    So what did i “do” all day? I journaled more than i have in forever. I listened to some YouTube videos I’ve been wanting to listen to (so i guess i lied above when is said there was no noise but i did that so early in the am I didn’t even remember). Then I read about 1/2 to 3/4 of a book on forgiveness (Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin) which has been recommended by Dr. Hanscom in his program on chronic pain. But the book is not about chronic pain (well it actually is but it’s about chronic EMOTIONAL pain) and it is NOT about the religious definition of forgiveness. I started it in November and have been wanting to finish it but my eyes don’t really like reading any more. However, yesterday felt like the right time. I hope to finish it today. I recommend it to everyone. I could even post about it if there was enough interest.

    Of course in the beginning of the day i “worried” about not getting out there to walk and then i realized that as much as I love walking and how meditative it is, it is also another form of distraction and that the best way for me to truly dig deep was just to have no goals or ideas as to what was going to happen that day.

    It was pretty liberating and I actually enjoyed myself despite many of the things I ended up dealing with while journaling.

    I definitely recommend it so you can also have that contrast in your life. Remember that it’s hard to know what you really want when you haven’t looked at (or experienced) what you don’t want (clarity vs contrast).

    Today’s Gratitudes:
    I am grateful I had the idea for a “do nothing” day. It is helping to reset my mental health

    I am grateful for all that i have learned (the building blocks) that enabled whatever i built yesterday to have more stability

    I am grateful that I have the leeway to do the same for most of today if I choose.

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    Wow!

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    I had the greatest experience last night! My favorite thing in the world is St Jude Children’s Research Hospital and as usual I have wonderful stories about how that happened and I may share it with you. But more importantly I want to share the hope and happiness that hospital generates to all who are involved or near it. When I retired from the Navy in 2004 and moved to San Antonio, I drove up to the hospital on my way and as i sat there out front, the aura and energy that surrounded it was breathtaking. If a building can capture the love and warmth of those inside and associated with it, this one did!

    So I was very fortunate to have been selected as a participant in a virtual tour of the hospital – see the pandemic helped me out once again. The tour was given by a woman who’s daughter had osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and her heart wrenching yet heartwarming story was, I think, even more important than the tour.

    The hospital does NOT look like a hospital. When you walk in, you see love, fun, joy and happiness and those qualities radiate from the walls and the staff throughout the entire facility. The staff and patients comingle and eat together in the cafeteria (obviously things have changed with the pandemic but they still do the best they can to be one big happy family).

    They have made such a difference in the cure rate for childhood cancer and not just in the US but throughout the world. They have a section where they hang the flags of the countries of staff and patients. And there are “translator” phones all throughout the hospital. They have thought of everything and will continue to do so,.

    Since my brother’s birthday is Friday and his wife is a big lover of St Jude I am trying to find the best birthday gift that he ever got from me – the gift of helping so many others around the world. I’m thinking of a brick or a plaque. I am pretty sure that will make his wife happy since she is a supporter.

    Here’s a story (or two) about my involvement with St Jude.

    I had never heard of it and one morning was driving to work and heard the music station i was listening to start talking about a “radiothon” they were starting. I was clueless but intrigued. So when i got to work, i called and donated – I was entered in some “prize” thing too but didn’t pay much attention. All I knew was that I was hooked on this hospital and listened to the radiothon for the entire two days.

    A month or so later I got a call one day from someone at St Jude (?) telling me I had won the prize. It was a sky box for an Alan Jackson concert. That’s a big wow. So i rounded up my few friends and we had a great time. Not a bad intro to the hospital.

    After that the regional director and I became good friends and met frequently. I am proud to say I was instrumental in helping them develop the St Jude Marathon many many years ago. That was an endeavor I really enjoyed and meant something especially when you see how much it has evolved.

    My favorite story though is one that still brings tears to my eyes. When I buy concert tickets I keep trying to get the best i can. So I usually end up with several sets of tickets. Well, Shania Twain was coming to town and I wanted the best i could get. I think i ended up with 5 tickets (in different sections of course). One was for me and one for my friend. That left 3 tickets. I called my friend the regional director and asked if she knew any patients who would like the tickets. Amazingly they had a family from Virginia Beach area (about 2 hours South of DC) and they were going to be in town that weekend. She called them and found out that the daughter (the actual patient) was a big Shania Twain fan.

    So, there you go – that’s the end of the story right? NOT. The regional director tried to get the girl to meet Shania but it was the night before Thanksgiving and her people said Shania just wanted to get on the road to get home after the show. But my friend did not give up. And it turns out that the forces of the universe didn’t either. Turns out there was a woman on her staff that had just left her job “working for Shania” to come work at St Jude. So, she pulled some strings and got the family to meet with her after the show. Totally amazing

    End of the story, right? NO

    The seats they had were way in the back and after we had met we split up and said goodbye. Next thing you know, i see my friend moving down the aisle and motioning to me. She told me where to meet them after so I could be there when Suzanne met Shania. I asked why they all were moving. Turns out that since mom was in a wheelchair (another very long story) they were moving them all down to the area right in front of the stage. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen any of her concerts but Shania Twain really put on a show! And this little girl who had suffered so much was going to get a front row seat! How cool is that?

    At the special meet and greet, Shania was so wonderful with Suzanne. It wasn’t rushed or artificial or anything. It made her day and elevated my respect for Shania Twain more than you can ever imagine.

    Everything always works out for me (and those around me).

    The tears fill my eyes just writing about this great memory.

    Today’s gratitudes:
    I am so grateful I had this experience last night touring St Jude

    I am grateful I found St Jude oh so many years ago

    I am grateful for the great strength that others have that give me inspiration.

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    How Has Your Life Been Enriched Today?

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    To enrich means to improve or enhance the quality or value of…..

    Many people conscientiously record a daily list of things they are grateful for – what I call “gratitudes”. But some people just don’t take to that and I think that happens for a variety of reasons. And that’s ok. I have personally learned that gratitude is the strongest force in the universe so it means something very special to me.

    I had two experiences yesterday that made me realize there is another way to examine and reflect on your day. Why bother? Well, as you hear over and over – there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow so we should make the most of today and this moment.

    I had three events yesterday – one was my walk; two was a class assigned group meeting with two other women; and three was my first “visit” with a friend where we could just sit and talk – not only was this a first in over a year but it was really the first time I’ve invited someone into my house (to get to the back patio where we visited) since I’ve done all the decluttering.

    If I asked you which one you would think enriched my life the most, you’d probably pick the last. You’d be close but the one that enriched my life the most yesterday (because I think we are different each day) was the second. This is no reflection on the friendship i have with this woman because that is about as solid as it can be. And we talked for hours catching up. So yes, it did enrich my life and enhanced it too – interesting that enhance and enrich have almost the same definitions.

    But the call with these two women I didn’t know really added something special to my life. We didn’t know each other and had just “met” in class last Thursday so there was the usual awkwardness of “getting to know you” (my age is showing when I start singing old songs like that). And I wasn’t keen on the assignment we had since it didn’t really make much sense to me. However, I allowed myself to just go with the flow and we all just seemed to open up and learned so much from each other. Then afterwards when we were emailing each other some information, we opened up more and it became an experience of connection that I have rarely experienced with people I don’t know. It helped me see somewhere else deep inside myself (which is part of the purpose of this class we’re taking). It simply felt lovely and those of you that really know me – or even those who have just followed this page – can count on one hand the number of times I’ve used that word. I am not likely to describe anything as “lovely” – ha ha..But this was.

    So I have decided that I am going to incorporate a new reflection into my daily life and that is reviewing each day what has enriched (or enhanced) my life that day.

    Why don’t you try it? I think the other good thing that will come from it is that we will recognize how wonderful our life is despite the intermittent crap that shows up. Remember my post a few months ago on contrast vs clarity – we need the stuff that we don’t really like or enjoy to know what it is we really want.

    Today’s gratitudes:
    I am so grateful for my friend’s visit and for her friendship. It means the world to me.

    I am grateful I can walk the distances I do walk. I will concentrate on the joy of that rather than comparing and worrying that I’m not doing longer distances. That comparison steals the happiness from what I do and is not worth it. I am trying to concentrate on that more.

    I am grateful that I still have a lot to give to people even at my age. It is a blessing and I hope to live up to the intent of this gift I’ve been given