I will not become an obstacle to myself

Daily Gratitude: This is something I have to work more on. It makes so much sense but my ever busy mind often decides it “knows better” and takes off thinking the most horrible things it can come up with. Can you identify with that? As I get ready to leave for Tennessee on Sunday, everything has seemed to be wrong. In my mind (and therefore in my body). I always knew (intellectually) how powerful my mind was but now I am experiencing it full on. It has taken a rather small symptom and definitely turned that molehill into a mountain. As I watch it do all these gyrations of “it could be this; it could be that; should I go or should I skip the race? What if this; what if that?”, I am in awe not only of its ability to make symptoms come and go but also of the impact my dysfunctional nervous system still has – despite the intense work I’ve done for all these years. The only difference is that at least now I can recognize what’s happening. That is a big step. I know all this is based on fear. Can i, at 76, do this grueling race again? Can I possibly endure the heat and sleep deprivation to make it 314 miles again? But the fear is even deeper than that and I must work through it to identify it. Others might say “oh just use affirmations and cute sayings and you’ll be fine.” But although those things may mask the fear for a bit, it’s still deep within and will resurface at another time. That’s the problem I have with acronyms and cute sayings. They are simply masked men swooping in to save the day …. but what about the rest of the year? Anyway, enough rambling. I just wanted to let you know that despite everything I write every day, I am not pontificating, just learning along with all of you!