Hate begets hate

Daily Gratitude: This is so simple you’d think we could all concentrate on the love part. But alas, humans are anything but simple. It takes effort for us to see the love and the good in others. I think one place to start is to ask “what happened to Joe to make him act and be like this?” Instead of “what’s wrong with Joe?” When we ask what’s wrong with Joe, we are assuming we are right – or at least that WE know what’s right. Who died and left us in charge? When you ask what happened to Joe, you’re seeking his story so you can better understand what’s going on inside of him that’s leading to these behaviors you don’t like. Once you find out he grew up in an abusive home and was forced into the streets to earn money at the age of 8 and was unhoused since the age of 10, you might be able to see how some of his behavior was inevitable. The more you know about IFS, too, the more you can see how Joe is not all bad as you initially thought. His primary protective mechanism (his protective parts) have just been performing their duties. There are, undoubtedly, more parts in him that are really kind and good but are subservient to the more volatile ones. See how just asking a simple question can help you reframe your opinion of Joe? This doesn’t mean that all of a sudden you have to approve of his behavior just because you understand it. Perhaps you can look at Joe (and not his actions) differently. It’s worth a try