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Daily Gratitude

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Daily Gratitude: Since everyone is considering (at least…between shopping lists) some sort of change for the new year, think about this quote.

I never really thought about discipline in my life….until I kept having to switch to “crewed” status at vol state. I finally realized it was a mental thing and then I accepted that I didn’t have the mental discipline I needed.

As a result I spent a year studying and practicing the art of mental discipline and the following summer I was able to finish the race without switching.

The other area I’ve had to apply discipline in is in my daily hotline call. I don’t always have topics that I think are pertinent. But I have to come up with something. That’s a challenge but since I’ve committed to it, I find something to talk about. Doing that has taught me almost as much as doing Vol State uncrewed.

What are some (or at least one) area in your life that you want to get better at (in)?

Once you answer that question, then ask yourself what it will take to achieve that. Break it down into tiny do-able steps so you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Figure out how you can ensure you can do these tiny steps on a CONTINUOUS basis. That is the key to all success. Doing the same things over and over, knowing that mastery of the foundation is required to build the rest of the pyramid (for example). If your foundation isn’t solid, the rest of your project may come crumbling down with the smallest of winds of adversity.

Decide these things now before you declare that you’re going to do x, y, or z. Take your time. There is no rule that says you have to start something on the 1st of January. That is not the 11th commandment.

Last year I started my hotline on the 13th of January. People were probably wondering (if they thought about it at all) “who the heck starts something in the middle of the month?” I do.

Why? Because I was going to be at a 6 day race over the 1st and then when it was over i had to drive home and get ready etc. Why would I have wanted to set myself up for failure just to start on the 1st when I knew things just wouldn’t be ready.

Think of all your variables before you make your plans. Then nothing can stop you! You’ll have no regrets even if that one thing doesn’t succeed. You will have developed the skills (and yes you will have also worked out your discipline muscles) for your next endeavor.

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Daily Hotline Message

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Message 337

This is a zen saying by Caigen Tan
“Water which is too pure has no fish”

Perfection may look beautiful, but it leaves no room for improvement-or even for life itself.

When we try to remove every impurity, we eliminate or sterilize those things that nurture growth and transformation.

I think of all the time I’d spend perfecting all my homework assignments and presentations, all the sleepless nights.

And for what? Well, from an IFS perspective, it was to prevent more criticism and shame.

People often develop this trait as a result of fear-based protections:


• Fear of failure → “If I’m flawless, I won’t fail.”
• Fear of rejection → “If I do everything right, I won’t be abandoned.”
• Fear of shame → “Mistakes mean I am a mistake.”
• Fear of chaos or loss of control → Perfection becomes predictability.

It also comes from Early experiences & attachment:


• Conditional approval: Love, praise, or safety came only when you did things “right.”
• Inconsistent caregiving: Being perfect felt like a way to keep relationships stable.
• High expectations or criticism: You learned that mistakes had consequences.
• Parentification: You had to grow up early or be “the responsible one.”

Then there’s Trauma and nervous system factors:


• Hypervigilance: Scanning for errors as a survival strategy.
• Freeze/fawn responses: “If I do everything right, I’ll stay safe.”
• Chronic stress or instability: Order and precision bring temporary relief.

There are also Psychological patterns:


• Black-and-white thinking: Perfect or worthless—no middle ground.
• Intolerance of uncertainty: Perfection feels like certainty.
• Internalized critical voice: Often echoes an early external critic.

What perfectionism is often doing for someone

It isn’t usually the problem—it’s the solution someone learned:
• It protects from shame
• It promises safety
• It creates control
• It helps avoid emotional pain
• It keeps attachment intac

Can you think of your own experience with this or perhaps with someone you know. Did you see or feel the anxiety increase as the clock ticked closer to the deadline.

Then think of what happened if it wasn’t perfect? Nothing dramatic from my side. The world surely didn’t end.

We need the doubts and contradictions within our mind to allow for growth. Think of murky water that provides nourishment for the fish that swim in it.

The quest for perfection took so much time that there wasn’t time for any growth. I think I was afraid of growth. After all, in order to grow, you have to start something new and most likely start from the beginning. That is as treacherous as trying to walk on a tightrope. One tiny mistake and i would plummet to the ground. I sure in hell wasn’t going to begin something new.

We can find peace in the quiet acceptance of what is often messy, muddled, and real.

Just accepting messy and muddled can eventually lead to the peace we seek. That is not something that’s going to happen overnight.

Posted on

Daily Gratitude

by

Daily Gratitude: Since everyone is considering (at least…between shopping lists) some sort of change for the new year, think about this quote.

I never really thought about discipline in my life….until I kept having to switch to “crewed” status at vol state. I finally realized it was a mental thing and then I accepted that I didn’t have the mental discipline I needed.

As a result I spent a year studying and practicing the art of mental discipline and the following summer I was able to finish the race without switching.

The other area I’ve had to apply discipline in is in my daily hotline call. I don’t always have topics that I think are pertinent. But I have to come up with something. That’s a challenge but since I’ve committed to it, I find something to talk about. Doing that has taught me almost as much as doing Vol State uncrewed.

What are some (or at least one) area in your life that you want to get better at (in)?

Once you answer that question, then ask yourself what it will take to achieve that. Break it down into tiny do-able steps so you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Figure out how you can ensure you can do these tiny steps on a CONTINUOUS basis. That is the key to all success. Doing the same things over and over, knowing that mastery of the foundation is required to build the rest of the pyramid (for example). If your foundation isn’t solid, the rest of your project may come crumbling down with the smallest of winds of adversity.

Decide these things now before you declare that you’re going to do x, y, or z. Take your time. There is no rule that says you have to start something on the 1st of January. That is not the 11th commandment.

Last year I started my hotline on the 13th of January. People were probably wondering (if they thought about it at all) “who the heck starts something in the middle of the month?” I do.

Why? Because I was going to be at a 6 day race over the 1st and then when it was over i had to drive home and get ready etc. Why would I have wanted to set myself up for failure just to start on the 1st when I knew things just wouldn’t be ready.

Think of all your variables before you make your plans. Then nothing can stop you! You’ll have no regrets even if that one thing doesn’t succeed. You will have developed the skills (and yes you will have also worked out your discipline muscles) for your next endeavor.