Did you ever think about that? That your primary role in life is to teach others something? You may not know exactly what but you are here to do that? Look at how children model their parent's behavior and mannerisms. Older people do that too. People are always watching you. If they see something they don't think is right they will remember you. But if they see something that they think is wrong, they will also remember you. Keeping that in mind, how do you want to be remembered? Can you think about that the next time you try to cut someone off in traffic or worse yet flip them off when they cut you off? Do you have to respond "in kind" to people or can you respond and "be kind".
What side of you do you want to show the world? We all think about this to some degree when we do something "important". Yet we need to let this thought guide us in everything we do.
What is it you have to teach others? You may be saying "not much. I'm not a teacher, I'm a business person." Always remember that more teaching is done outside of the classroom than in it. Just ask the many parents who had their kids out of school during the pandemic.
It also pays to remember that you teach other people how to treat you too. If you can't say "no" or aren't very good at setting boundaries (like me) then you may end up feeling that you've been taken advantage of. But no one is taking advantage of you, they are just doing what they always have done. You have always said "yes" so why is it bothering you now? Do you let other people or your kids take advantage of you? That is on you? Be the victor, not the victim and simply take control of your life. Don't give it away to others. You'll be doing them a favor by teaching them how to recognize a problem (that you can't set boundaries) and then how to solve it (by starting to set some but doing it gently - so as not to frighten yourself or others.
Everywhere you go, everything you say, and everything you write on social media follows you forever. I cringe when i see people yelling at the employees at a fast food place (there are a lot of those lately) and throwing food at them. What message are they giving people - not only about how they think others should be treated but also how it's ok to be hateful and then act on that rage. We have seen a great increase in that since 2016 and it hurts my soul to watch the hate surface again against pretty much anyone who is DIFFERENT. I hate to tell these people but they are DIFFERENT too. It is up to us to teach kindness, love and understanding. This is not something to do only when it's an event on the calendar but every single day.
Yes, you read that correctly. I wrote OMMS not OM. "What is OMMS?" you then ask.
Obstacles are my friend!
Read that and remember it. It's so important and it's the way great people make it through life. Notice I wrote "great" people and not "successful". This is because I believe if you're great, you are successful but the rest of the world might not classify you as successful but who cares. As I've written so many times before - success is something YOU define for yourself. If you go by other peoples' definition you may never reach that point.
But as usual i digress. Back to obstacles. Adversity or obstacles (to me they are interchangeable) are a part of life. But they are also subject to perception. What's a gigantic block for you might not even be in the way of someone else. It's all based on your experience and how you have been taught (or have learned) how to handle things that may be in your way. A problem solver or a person with a growth mindset (check out Carol Dweck's book called "Mindset" - it's an eye opener) just sees something else that excites them. "oh boy, i get to figure out another solution" whereas someone with a fixed mindset and perhaps a traumatic childhood looks at the same thing and cries out "oh God, why me. I can't handle another thing standing in my way to success. Why does this always have to happen? I am just going to turn around and go home. I can't deal with this."
Which would you rather be? I am learning to change my mindset to a growth mindset rather than the fixed one I've grown up with. That serves me no purpose now and probably never did but that was what i had at the time.
If you look at an obstacle and say "wow, what can i learn from this?" you'll be so much better suited to deal with what's coming down the road. This is a primary theme of my book because I learned so much about obstacles at Vol State last year. It's also why i took so long to do a "race report" about ATY. I had several obstacles (some were self created) and I had to take time to process them. My fixed mindset initially just said "well, that sucked. you didn't do very good. oh, well, there's always next year. but don't' think you're going to do Vol State any better because you just proved you can't do anything well."
Over the days after the race, i dusted off my new growth mindset and looked at the race with a different attire. Then i saw "ok, so it didn't go as well as you wanted. You didn't fail. You learned. But that is only helpful if you sit down and think about what you learned and how it will help you in the future and what you need to concentrate more on." And then you saw my "rule of 3s report". I had a totally different perspective by then. So, in the long run (no pun intended) I learned more from this "failure" than i would have had I reached either goal A or goal B.
One more thing before i close. I am living proof and have told you all a thousand times - everything always works out for me. Any obstacle that has stood in my way, has led me down a path to greater happiness and "success" than i had ever imagined. The most recent big adversity was the post shingles nerve pain. Had I not had that then a) my underlying kidney disease would not have been discovered until it was too late and b) i would have never found these concepts and practice around the cause and treatment of chronic pain and i believe that spreading the word and helping people with that is much more valuable than just cruising along. It's not to say that was an enjoyable time because it was horrible but what happened because of it was what was really pretty good.
Try to make OMMS your mantra and crave improving your emotional resilience!
I decided to call this series "Ancient" because I'm old and "Lessons" because it's what I learned and although I'd like to call it wisdom, who am I to judge how wise these musings are. The definition of wisdom is "knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life." I am not a scholar but that's not really how i view wisdom. I view it as something that will be of use to others as they go through life. I have had a lot of experiences that have given me knowledge but I'm not sure how much they would help others.
But enough of the philosophical...let's get down to the meat of the this first lesson.
It's simple: Process over Outcome.
Pay attention to the outcome or as John Wooden said "Focus on the journey and the destination will take care of itself."
I learned this early on but not early enough. From the time i was four I knew i was going to be a doctor (God had told me so) and as a result, everything i ever did was focused on becoming a doctor.
I eventually made it but on the day of graduation from medical school, i felt despondent and depressed. "Now what?" I thought and "is that all there is?"
You see, i had focused only on becoming a doctor, not on what i really was learning along the way. Even more importantly i never once thought about what i would do once i "became" a doctor. I was focused on the destination.
I have learned with all the races I've done to enjoy getting there and I don't' only mean all the long drives I've done but the training and getting ready and feeling excitement BEFORE getting there. Making sure you find joy in what you're doing on a daily basis and in training (thanks Scotty). Have fun, planningi your training, reviewing what's going well and what needs tweaks (remember there is no failure, there is only feedback but that's another whole post).
Enjoy everything about every day. Who did you meet? Who did you talk to? What did you feel good about? How were you of service today? What do you want to do better tomorrow? Don't just let the day rush by like water down the drain. Cherish each moment. Your kids, your family, your friends will all get older really quickly if we don't just stop to take it all in.
Take some time to reflect on your life - and make no mistake about it, this is hard. Have you focused only on the destination but not enjoyed every day it took to get there? If you are honest, I bet you'll find several of those occasions. Now ask yourself what you can do to change that so that you enjoy every single moment of your life no matter where you end up.
Ponder this for the week and there will be more Ancient Lessons in the weeks to come
