Daily Gratitude: So much of our lives is expressed in this quote. Can you think of a time when you didn’t venture forth or stopped doing something to avoid the “possibility” of being criticized?

I had an interesting experience last weekend. I had all the good intentions of working diligently on editing my book. But as Saturday’s hours seemed to fly by, I was finding “more important” things to do. As a result I got nothing done on my book.

Sunday came along and I re-affirmed my intentions to “work all day” on the book. However, I started to veer off on the “more important things” path. I decided to investigate what was going on

Using the IFS process, I discovered a part that was deathly afraid of judgement and criticism. It knew that my editing this book would lead people to read it and e decide it was horrible and therefore I was horrible (that’s the route that shame takes – if you do a bad thing, you are bad, not just the thing).

I reassured the part that we weren’t at that stage yet. That this was just fixing things up the first time and we were a long way from anyone reading the book. It breathed a sigh of relief. Then I added to it by reminding it (the scared part) that we’d been through this process before and we survived without anything bad happening. That fact also reassured it.

I could have just gone on procrastinating or somehow forced myself to get some work done. But using this method I ended up having the most productive day of my writing life as far as editing is concerned.

When you find yourself avoiding or stopping something, take a look at what’s going on in your mind to see if there’s a part of you that’s harboring fear – fear of being judged or criticized. If there is something in you that say “yes”, don’t be judgmental or criticize that part (doing the thing it fears) and don’t become impatient with it (or with yourself if you still don’t believe the parts theory). Be gentle, kind and understanding. It will make all the difference in the world, Especially if you thank that procrastinating part for protecting you all these years. It will relax and you may even feel it relax.

Try it.

Daily Gratitude: There’s so much going on inside of us that we might even be frightened if we knew how much.

That’s where IFS comes in. It is truly an entire family system within you. There’s all sorts of typical family interactions as well – spats, sulking, rejoicing, taking care of one another, love, anger, sadness, grief, you name it.

We all acknowledge that we have memories so why can’t we accept that we have “tiny personalities” within that may even be containers for most of those memories.

In the past week alone I’ve made major changes in my perspective on people and ideas and things in my life. I’m 77 years old so this is amazing that I can up thoughts and beliefs I’ve held for so long. But it works.

Every time you say “a part of me….”, you are acknowledging one of those tiny personalities.

This inside family is where most of your battles are fought. My parts were frequently at “war” with one another, just like two toddlers or worse yet, two teenagers. They both want the same thing. In this teenage example they most likely want autonomy just as physical teens do. They just have different ways of getting what they want.

The battles within are the hardest fought. Learn more about your parts and you’ll learn that you are not stuck in particular beliefs or thought patterns. You can change!

That is the most freeing experience in your life.

Daily Gratitude: Most of our “personal” issues are rooted in the past. They are the product of our upbringing and influence from so many people and groups (parents, siblings, friends, religious leaders, school teachers, media, music and theater even. We’ve been brainwashed galore as children and although that feels rather terrifying, it’s a necessity of sorts because we are totally clueless and defenseless as babies and children.

What happens, though, is that we never take time to examine those things that are crammed into our heads. We never make any choices after that. It’s just “the way it is”.

IFS (Internal Family Systems) is pretty much all about taking the past out of the present. Our parts are stuck at the age they are “born” (when they develop) and they act that age and perform the role they did way back then.

Have you ever said “I did such and such and it was so out of character for me. I just don’t know what happened.” That is the protector(s) talking and behaving.

Even if you don’t subscribe to IFS theory and practice, it’s imperative for growth that you examine your beliefs. How many do you still really belief. Remember that a belief is just a thought you keep thinking. It is NOT the gospel and does not come from above. It’s a thought that has been ingrained in you all those years ago most likely.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a library of beliefs so that you can pick, choose, and discard? Like a 7-11 you can just go into your “belief convenience store” and see what works for you today.

It’s not really that simple and I’m not making fun of the process. I’m just using the lighthearted spirit to illustrate that you can change your beliefs. It takes work but you’ll be surprised….and happy. It will feel so good to know you’re making your own choices.