Daily Gratitude: This is an important concept for almost all of us to grasp. It might explain some of our seeming overreactions to events or people.

Our demons resurface wherever we’re tired. But that’s also the same for other people and might help you figure out why someone does something. And it can help you forgive them when they do “dumb” things too. Just as you hope they can forgive you, too.

This is what happened to me at vol state in 2025. I was so tired and depleted that I forgot all my IFS work and training. All my old patterns and habits showed back up knocking at the door. And I let them in.

Be gentle work yourself and with others. Assess their physical condition before making any criticism or judgments (if you have to judge at all). Someone may be tired or may be physically ill or in pain.

Kindness in all we do is the way to approach this new year and all the people you meet along the way.

Daily Gratitude: It’s so important that everything in our lives be in harmony. Saying things because that’s what you think you’re supposed to say doesn’t do any good. It takes you out of harmony. You’re certainly not happy.

This takes analysis sometimes. It’s not easy but it’s vital. What’s more important than your happiness? And don’t say that your kids or parents are more important because they aren’t. You must take care of yourself in order to be able to provide anything of use for others.

What areas do you have that are in harmony? And what are not in harmony? Then – can you figure out why and what you can do about it to try to bring everything into total harmony? Can you and will you do to make everything come together?

Daily Gratitude: We are so used to how we react to things that we don’t even realize how robotic our reactions are.

Let’s look at things as if they have Two handles – some might say two sides of the same picture but I like the image of a knapsack with two straps, or even a wheelbarrow with two handles. Whatever image you choose is just that, an image.

What’s important though is that you recognize that you have a choice.

You can always choose a different thought that will lead you to a better outcome.

This is by Epictetus and it’s long and in old language and you may have to read it a few times. I’m putting it here to let you know I didn’t just make this stuff up.

“Everything has two handles, one by which it can be borne, the other by which it cannot. If your brother wrongs you, do not take it by the handle of the wrong he has done, for this is the handle by which it cannot be borne; but by the other, that he is your brother, brought up with you; and you will take it by the handle by which it can be borne.” Epictetus, Encheiridion, 43

The Bottom line is:
You can judge any situation in two ways—one that leads to unhappiness and the other to happiness.

When you are unhappy with something, you have made a wrong judgment; wrong for you anyway.
It is incompatible with happiness.

You picked it up by the wrong handle. Instead, grab the other handle—the one that will lead you to happiness.

As i give you some examples I want you to think of the other reason to choose the “right” handle.

Remember that what you put out is what you’re going to get back. And putting out doesn’t mean out loud. Any thought you think is putting some sort of vibration out they into the universe and whether you realize it or not, it’s like a big marketing campaign saying “hey there I want more of this !!!”

Two weekends ago the windchill had our temps in the low 20s in the morning and that’s cold for us.

I could have said “it’s just not fair. I want to go walking but it’s too darn cold”. That would make me upset and unhappy.

Instead I could think “what a great opportunity to see how my gear does in the cold weather. That way I’ll know how well I’ll be able to do at the race this month. That made me happy and it was productive. That made me even happier. I CHOOSE THIS HANDLE

I’ve been having some problems with my eyesight lately. I could think of ”damn I can’t get anything done. I don’t know why the doctors can’t get their acts together to take care of MY problems. That would lead me to worry more and be unhappy.

Or I could say “well this gives me an opportunity to do some research and even some experiments to see if I can help them come up with answers. “This too shall pass” I if I just be patient and not feel like everything has to always go the way I think it should. Everything always passes and everything always works out for me.

That will calm my nervous system and will probably even excite it in a good way bexause I love research and experiments. And remembering that everything always works out for me makes me smile AND HAPPY. I CHOOSE THIS HANDLE

Suppose your friend did something to hurt you.

You are angry and unhappy because you are using the handle, “My friend hurt me.” This makes you angry and unhappy. So, this handle is the wrong one.

Ask yourself, “What other handle can I use here?”

The other handle could be, “We all do thoughtless things occasionally. I’m sure I have hurt others as well. I don’t have to take it that seriously. He is a friend, and it is no big deal.” This handle is compatible with happiness. So, it is the right handle. Our friend’s behaviour no longer hurts us.

When you are upset with your boss, the handle, “He is a jerk,” or “He doesn’t appreciate me,” or “He doesn’t know what he is talking about,” or, ‘He is being unreasonable,” is the incorrect handle.

The handle, “I am grateful I have this job. Let me see why my boss is asking me to do this. Let me understand this from their perspective,” or “My boss may be wrong, but so am I sometimes. Why make a big deal of it?” is likely to diffuse anger and lead to a more pleasant interaction with your boss. Choose this handle!

Mentally go over the day, looking for times when you were irritated, annoyed, angry, anxious, or worried—even mildly.

Then, ask yourself what judgment led you to your discomfort. Think about “the other handle” that would have relieved your discomfort.