Daily Gratitude: Boy, is this appropriate for this week. Every day there has been something that, at first, could be interpreted as a mistake (whether it is or not didn’t matter to my parts. What mattered was how my system felt about it). After about 4 of these incidents I just wanted to find a home and crawl in it. But fortunately, my IFS training has taught me to look at these events as opportunities to learn and get to know the parts within me that are over reacting perhaps. IFS has also given me a chance to see that these things are just lessons, not mistakes. A year or two ago I would i would have told you that that was total BS. But now I believe it. There is much I have already gleaned from examining the events of this week and more I will learn when I delve into them deeper. In the past “mistakes” would have devastated me and stopped me from continuing to do something. Now I am savvy enough and curious enough to actually do the work to learn from them.

Daily Gratitude: When this says “don’t let them change who you are”, it means who you are deep down inside – your core values and beliefs. You need to hold on to them. However, I also believe that we should reassess those things (especially the beliefs) from time to time. The worst thing we can do is to blindly hold on to something when they’re are facts in front of us that show us that maybe it’s time to alter those beliefs. This is a somewhat silly example but it gets the point across. I’ve been around for so many years that I’ve seen the what seems like weekly change of opinion as to whether or not coffee is good for you or not. One week the researchers show that coffee will do x; the next it does y; and again in a month or so it does z. It shows facts. What we do with those facts is another story. Just because coffee does x and x is good, does that mean that coffee is good? Not necessarily. Coffee may also do a, and c which are bad. Does x outweigh the adverse effects of a, b, and c? These are things we have to look at and constantly reevaluate in our lives. Take some time and assess your biases. Do you dislike or criticize a category of people? Or even just make generalized statements about them? But then you develop a friendship with someone who objectively fits in that category. But surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), the list of detriments that you didn’t like about that category don’t apply to your friend. Why do you think that is? Perhaps it simply means that we should stop creating these categories and judging the abstract category. There are good people in “bad” categories and bad people in “good” categories. Maybe we should just get rid of the categories?? Take time to reassess your beliefs

Daily Gratitude: What is all the current tension in the country doing to your inner world? Have you thought about that?’”But,” you’re probably saying “what can I do about it? It’s out of my control.” That’s true. It is out of your control. So what IS in your control? Is complaining helping any? Not really. What activities can you participate in that will help you feel better and hopefully make a difference? Focus on those. When you’re in turmoil, you’re not helping anything are you? And it’s not healthy for you either. I’ve written before how so much stress and upset within my system put me in the hospital for a long time. I’ve learned to focus on what I can do at my small level and join when there is something that can make a difference but my system doesn’t need to live in a state of unrest every minute of every day. That does no one any good. Find things that you can influence. Join others when possible but otherwise don’t let the state of the union ruin your state too. I am not saying to ignore what’s happening, just to find ways to minimize the adverse effects on you. This takes discernment and control but it’s well worth the effort.