Daily Gratitude: Not only do our fears point us in the direction of the right thing to do but also in the direction of what we need. What lesson are we to learn from this fear? Have you ever asked yourself that question? I haven’t until recently but it’s definitely a valid question. Take for example my “dislike” (an ‘it sounds bette than’ word for fear) of talking on the telephone. What lesson am I supposed to learn from that? Bottom line (after much introspection) is that I have to learn to listen to people’s words without having to have all the other visual clues I’ve always used to “really know” what they were saying. That reflects a measure of distrust (stemming totally from my childhood) and if I remind myself that I’m no longer a child and don’t need all the protective mechanisms I had back then, then it becomes easier to enter into a conversation with someone without having to “examine” all the evidence. If I can reassure those immature parts that are still petty active in me, then I have a chance to show them (and subsequently get them to back off and relinquish their role) that I can handle life without their help. Removing that barrier should enable me to be able to no longer fear the telephone. It sounds simple but it requires delving into the real reason behind some of our thoughts or behaviors. Just ask yourself-“what is the lesson I’m supposed to learn from this fear?”

Daily Gratitude: It’s important to know why 10 people can see the same thing and yet react in 10 different ways. The key point here is that once we see or experience something, it goes through our massive data bank and is “processed”. That means it’s analyzed and compared to anything the brain can find that’s related to it (based on our prior experience- that’s why the first time a child sees the hot burner he or she puts their hand down on it without pause. This creates a memory which is stored under the “danger” category. It may be reinforced by “no” shouted from mom’s mouth but the pain is probably enough. The next time the child sees an object that looks like that (he or she doesn’t have the cognitive awareness yet to say ‘oh, that’s a burner even though it doesn’t look like the last one’), the brain jumps in and says “nope not going to do that again”). In this case there’s a conclusion and a judgment but no attribution since it’s an object. As the child becomes exposed to other humans and equates actions with outcomes, it creates the attribution, which is particular to him and his circumstances. This all falls under the concept of predictive coding. If you watch yourself, you’ll see how you take first impressions and then make judgments and also determine the other’s motives. But I might interpret everything totally differently based on what’s in my database. I hope this makes some sense because it’s a big key to understanding WHY others do the things they do; the things that make us scratch our heads. Read “Crucial Conversations”. It’s a phenomenal book and it will help you navigate almost any discussion.

Daily Gratitude: It pays to commit this concept to memory and then to apply it. We feel physical pain yes. But most of the time we compound the physical pain by adding on the pain emotional pain. The worry,
The regret, the disappointment, the despair, etc. As a result, we feel even worse. It’s how we interpret and judge things that exacerbate them. The good part of this, though, is that because the “add-on” pain is something we create, we can control it too! Broke your leg? It probably won’t hurt much (physically) a few days after it’s set or operated on. But what if you’re going to have to miss a big race or a trip to walk the Camino or hike or whatever? There is great sadness and disappointment there. Those emotions will cause pain and they will piggyback onto the physical pain so that you can’t tell the difference. This, when the physical pain dissolves, you won’t even know it because it was so intertwined with the emotional pain. Take some time to separate the two. Allow yourself to feel disappointment but say “only for x amount of time: then I’m done with the negative stuff and making plans for when I get back”. It really will change your outlook on things and on life.