Some people were able to see the whole thing and others not as well or not as much. That is just like life. Not all of us are exposed to the same circumstances. Our job is to make the most of what we have and not worry about what we don’t have.

Here in San Antonio the clouds threatened to block our view of it. It was clear in the morning and then about 30 minutes before it started, those fluffy pillows floated right over the sun. But you know what? It was still going to happen whether we could see it or not. Things in life will happen even when we’re not privy to them. Get used to that. Would it have been disappointing to not see it? For some, yes; for others, no. But regardless of your disappointment, the things that are supposed to happen are going to. They are not going to wait for you to “get ready” or to “decide” whether or not you want to see it.

But the universe was good. The clouds parted just after the moon had traveled about 1/8th of the way. There was a sparkling blue sky after that. Perfect. So, have faith and things will work out. If you don’t think they are working out, wait and see. In the long run, they will have happened for a specific purpose. Use my mantra “Everything always works out for me!”

The symbolism goes even further, though. Be like the sun. Stand firm no matter what tries to obscure your light. Eventually that thing or person will no longer block your beauty and you’ll shine through again. Be steadfast. Those who just want to gain the attention can have their limelight (their 15 minutes of fame). It will pass. Another important mantra – “This, too, shall pass.” This can apply to tragic things as well. it may seem as if there’s a very slow moon traveling over your existence and happiness. But if you stick to you core values, you will outlast it. That is true endurance.

Be like the sun, my friends.

The leaves reflected the eclipse

The clouds right before the eclipse began

More clouds

It’s a cruddy view I know but it was the best I could get through the glasses

Sigh.

Anyway, one thing I’ve learned is that continually looking back with the mantra of “why?” or “why me?” is not the way to improve things. It keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be – in the past.

It’s helpful to examine what’s happened in order to find out what happened because certain behavior patterns are based in childhood and knowledge of this is important for healing. In addition, treatments are different depending on the origin of a these patterns.

You have to decide to step forward and step out of your cocoon. Lamenting why me only fills the cocoon with more toxins. You have to shed the shells that have protected you all these years. At least, you have to shed them if you want to heal and change.

It’s not easy to say “what now?” but sitting and paying attention to the deep feeling you get when you say that compared to the feeling when you say “why me?” will surprise you. That may be all you’re able to do for a long time. But just saying those words moves you into the realm of progress.

Some day when you’re feeling brave, you can list in a hidden journal (if you’re not ready to share with others) the answers that come after you ask yourself “What now?”. It may be a bunch of really scary things but at least you’ve gotten them out on paper (or digitally). That is the second step (asking the question is the first).

Once you have some items listed, you can take one at a time to “chunk” down into tiny little pieces that you think you can accomplish.

I think one of the most important things you can do is find others who’ve been where you are. Be careful not to “hang out” with those who have been there for a long time. Sometimes it’s easier and safer to stay where you are and talking about it may appear to be trying to make progress. But what you want, is to find out how the ones who were there clawed their way out. If you have a problem with alcohol, you don’t go to a bar to figure that out. You might find people to help you better at an AA meeting.

Once you’ve said “What now?” a powerful change has been made in your brain and you are on your way to creating new neural pathways that will lead you where you really want to be. The key there is that one answer to “what now?” is to figure out where you want to be. If you want to “be happy”, list what being happy means to you. It shouldn’t be material things. If you stick to them, you end up in the “If-then” conundrum. “When I lose 100 pounds, I’ll be happy and my family will love me.” I am very familiar with this as my primary goal as a child was to make my father love me and stop yelling. So it was always “If I get 100 in this class or that, daddy will love me.” You know what? It never worked. And since this was so programmed into my brain as a child, it persisted as I aged – even into my 70s. It’s only been in the last few years I’ve been able to untangle some of that octopus’s tentacles that have encased me all my life. And that beautiful creature still has its hold on me even after all this work.

Again, it’s not easy at all. You just have to start with “What now?” whenever you want to say “Why?” or “Why me?”

Know that you are not alone. That is one thing i want my book to help people understand. It’s much easier when you hold the hand of someone who’s been there. They may even give you a t-shirt when you’ve “done that”.

What does this say about me?
I don’t’ really know but I do know one thing
Being sidelined has taught me much
But learning takes time and repetition
Like any habit

I am not running (or in my case, walking)
I am not my accomplishments
I am not my medical degree
I am not my Naval career
I am not my running medals
I am not my house or car
(well, except that both are old like me)

I am a well of experiences and even wisdom
I am full of past mistakes
But also lessons learned
I am here for others
I am a mass of energy that has a purpose

But that purpose differs now
It’s not the purpose that drove me
It’s to be kind and generous now
To help and give to others as much as possible
To be supportive and understanding
To care and comfort when they need it
To hold space for those who are scared

Look deep within to see yourself
Take the time to find what’s behind what you do
You are not just one thing
No one is
You are multidimensional but often don’t know it
Take a chance.
Do something new
Write something new

That comfort zone becomes a prison all too soon
Let other see the beauty within you
Not just the external “things” you do
There is so much to you
I know I want to see inside
I want to enter within
But you must be brave enough

Who are you?