This sounds so easy doesn’t it? But we all know it’s not easy. It may be simple but that doesn’t make it easy.

I’m working on facing my fears and I have to do small tasks still. But I’ve also learned that if I force myself to write about the experience after (and maybe even before I make the attempt), the positive results become more cemented in my mind.

I’ve told you before about my fear of the telephone. I probably called it an aversion or a dislike but what do they say “a rose by any other name”… it’s fear.

It’s stupid. It’s a small thing and yet it’s there. Calling it names or trying to make it seem less (like saying it’s stupid) will not shame me into making the damn call. That just makes things worse. I’m sure you parents and teachers can verify that. It just is.

The strange and actually humorous thing is that I feel so good and so free once I’ve gotten around to doing it and getting it over with. What doesn’t work in the moment is to spend time trying to figure out why it doesn’t work. Ha ha. That’s called procrastination.

But If I write about it and put my feelings down on paper – both the fear and the elation – it helps me express more of what went on inside. And even if I still don’t understand it, the success and the associated feelings of that tiny little success stick with me longer and make facing that phone call easier the next time.

Never diminish your fears. Never try to bully yourself into feeling less than because you have the fears. Just deal with them the best you can and record your success AND the associated feelings once you’ve done something that was hard because it involved a fear.

Not only that but we also judge, often harshly, their existence as a caterpillar. I can liken that to the development of many humans. They are less than desirable beings at a younger age and then through intense self work and much time and effort, they become totally transformed- they become butterflies in a sense.

Those are people I respect and admire. They are able to see they have faults and problems and they take action to improve. They are willing to work to pass through another stage.

Can you look back over your life and see the metamorphosis in you? Think about where you’ve come from. And see if there’s more you’d like to change. Self reflection and examination of your life and behaviors and beliefs is essential for continued growth.

I could write pages on this. Don’t worry. I am not going to do that to you. I just want you to know how important this concept is.

We can start easy. Let’s say there’s a broken (fractured) femur. This bone is massive compared to the others in the body so you might think that all that matters is healing the bone. That will happen in 6 weeks, give or take.

So is that true healing? Nope. Why not?

Because true healing refers to functioning. The femur will be in one piece after it heals. But do you think you can climb stairs, walk without a limp, stand for long or run after 6 weeks of “healing”? No way. The bone is just one component of the functional unit. You need to strengthen and retrain muscles, nerves and the other bones that connect with the femur. Those things weren’t broken but you have to “rediscover” those unbroken components

We need to look at true healing as proper functioning of the unit.

The same idea applies to the psyche. If you have certain fears, you might work hard to face the fear…but often you have to repeat the same process over and over again. That’s because the courageous person you were when you were born has been buried and suppressed because of your repeated exposure to things that scare you. That courage is still there, it’s just been “stuffed in the closet” and out of the way.

In order to heal you have to work (therapy) through those broken feelings (repeated traumatic experiences caused the break) in order to find the courage that’s in there.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put the effort into fixing what’s broken. You need to do that AND discover the unbroken.