Riding the Wave

Learning to Surrender

I told you last weekend that I was going to buckle down and “get this editing phase” done with this week. I started to do that. But instead of getting it done, I learned that the Universe (and in this case, the book) have their own timeline and no matter what I do or did, I, a mere mortal, was not going to budge that timeline. In retrospect it was funny to watch but at the time all I felt was immense frustration.

No matter what technique I tried, I always got the exact same number of pages done a day. That made absolutely no sense because some of what I tried was more time consuming than the others. Each day I produced only the same amount. I was puzzled.

Then I realized that this all was supposed to teach me to surrender- that there are many things in my life that I can’t control even though I had been under the illusion for much of the past 70 years that I could. I am finally waking up. Talk about Rip Van Winkle!

I decided to let it go and let it evolve on its own. Why? Not only because it was going to do it that way no matter what I did but also because I didn’t want the frustration that went along with trying to force that round peg into the square hole. Sure I could live with and tolerate the frustration – don’t we all do that every day and think that’s “just how life is?”. But I didn’t want the resentment that would come with the sense that I had failed in getting things done “right.” I knew that resentment would be the best way to destroy the love and nurturing I wanted to experience. This book is a creation and deserves love and nurturing. Resentment is the quickest way to nip that in the bud and turn it into awful feelings – feelings that might lead to its demise and lead to 7 months of my life being put away never to be touched again.

I found that it was much easier to ride the wave rather than fight it. I would get somewhere simply by letting go and letting that wave take me where it wanted. It wasn’t up to me to try to control the massive force behind that wave. When will we humans really understand that? If I fought the wave, I would get exhausted and probably drown (the death of my book, my creativity and my desire to write). Which did I want to choose? The easy flow even though it required letting a force greater than myself take me away; or, the constant fight which we all know I could not win?

I chose to ride the wave and surrender to whatever timeline the book had in it. I guess it’s like planting that rose seed and then digging up the soil every day to see if it has grown yet. The book has to marinate and incubate and each phase and part that I’m going through is not under my control – that is, if I want it to be what it’s supposed to be.

What are you fighting in your life? What are you doing that is exhausting and having no apparent difference? Can you surrender and just ride along with it and see where it takes you? Do you have to continue fighting? I hope you can learn to enjoy riding the wave with me.

Despite temps in the high 20s and 30s for the past two days, there are many signs that spring is coming…yippee.